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Philosophizing Robert Nkemdiche names his pet panther

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Naming a pet is always a tricky proposition, but it's even trickier when you're a modern-day philosopher. *We asked him* to walk us through some potential names for his soon-to-be-purchased panther, and he was kind enough to oblige.

Panther Panther, burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What rich draft pick's hand or eye,
Dare name thy fearful symmetry?

The act of naming is just the reduction of temporal autonomy. Spheres move at speeds beyond their titles. The earth renews its green vitality whether with grass or weeds. Naming is a construct of the manifest ego. While it is paradoxical to acknowledge the falseness of names in an article rooted in naming, that is what I have done. Meaning erases itself.

Colby: Carbon is the replication of the humanoid imperative. Embracing finality constitutes a divergence of self and surrounding. Encircle the partiality of matter. A glimpse of determinism is more dangerous than a lifetime of responsiveness. Provide the latter with abrupt trajectory. Indulge the former with gratuitous ministry. Stand agog before the depths of purpose realized.

Ron: If history is a lesson to the infinite, then knowledge is the vehicle of gratitude. Force the propulsion of meaning into echoes of silence. A clap. Another clap. Silence. Breathing. This is the true repository of disillusionment.

Portal: Motion is constant internally as well as externally. Thinking of stillness is as meaningless as thinking of movement. There is no rational descriptor for the engagement of one's self with time and space. There is only the motion, the constant becoming of a new being. To become is to stay the same. This is the crux of humanity's relative potential.

Cage: To name a creature after the bars surrounding it is to name the salt for the meat it seasons.

Susan: Close your eyes. Reach to the nearest wall. The texture of its surface is a reminder of the hunger inside your ear-marked latency. Bend now to the floor and lick the tile. If there is grit, is that not a reminder of the orb's gracious frivolity?

Eclipse: There is finality to beginnings. The corpse decomposes as we view it. The child grows toward this decomposition. Liveliness is a facade masking the end of things. Eat of the fruit and know that the acids of your stomach were deconstructing it even before it was bitten.

Betsy: Perform the action that is expected but only if the response is unexceptional ferocity.

Solitude: A leaf. A blade of grass. Isolation is gerrymandered intrigue. Fellowship is the reciprocal inverse of tertiary thought. We amble toward a Gorgon of our own making.

Tony: To be that which you are not is to embrace the mystery of reputation's endurance. Envelope the actual and negate the portentous. A gyre must cycle or it is no longer a gyre. Such is the stiletto of man's nurturing fascination. A blade becomes a tooth only when the tooth becomes a river. Drink of that water if you must, but know that its isolation is brought low by indeterminate particularity.

Panthy McPantherface: Denzel insisted that I include this one.