The real Oscars take place on Sunday night, which means you've got a little more than 48 hours to cram in all the movies* you meant to see but never got around to, probably because you just wanted to watch Mad Max: Fury Road for the fifth time due to all the FIRE and EXPLOSIONS and OH THE NOISE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR IT TO BE LOUD ENOUGH. Since the Oscars are upon us, it seemed like a good idea to conduct a ceremony to reward the achievements of those involved in the film of the 2015 Ole Miss football season.
The awards results that you are about to witness were voted on by the Academy of Gray, one of our nation's most prestigious institutions (and always in need of donations). I am completely confident that you will agree with all of these about as much as you would a Hugh Freeze fourth-and-goal play call that does not involve Chad Kelly taking the snap.
*FILMS, you simpleton
So let's get to the ceremony and find out who all will be taking home a trophy.
As per awards ceremony rules, we must start with the "lesser-known" awards and work our way up to the GLORY BOY awards.
Best Foreign Film
Will Gleeson's Didgeridoo Done Did
A tale of human triumph in the face unsuspecting naval commanders.
Best Makeup & Hairstyling
Gatorade in Hugh Freeze: Sticky and Sweet
A bath so much more enjoyable than a late December dunking in Shreveport or Nashville.
Chad Kelly's Cobras of Surrender
The story of a national championship that can't be enjoyed fully because the BEARS NEED TO KNOW HOW LUCKY THEY WERE AND THEY DIDN'T WIN NOTHIN ROLL TIDE.
C.J. Johnson and Mike Hilton's The One With Brett Favre In It
A geriatric tale for the ages.
Best Visual Effects
Laquon Treadwell's Excuse Me, Weak Defender, I Need To Dab
As the critics said, the finest snatch and dab the world has ever seen.
Best Original Score
Laremy Tunsil's The Last Strut of King Tunsil
The sound of someone ending his college career through the majesty of a walking touchdown.
Best Supporting Actor
Ben Still in The Last Strut of King Tunsil
A man stops at nothing to support his dear friend while chasing his dreams of the dance.
Best Original Screenplay
DeMarquis Gates and Tony Bridges' The Dumpiest Senior Night
Two men ignore the narrative and take control of a night that wasn't supposed to be theirs.
Mike Hilton for The Lessening
YOU DON'T TRY THAT BUSINESS ON HIS SET.
Cody Core in Ran Off Part I, Ran Off Part II, and Ran Off Part III
A man pushes himself beyond all limits imaginable to Ran Off on Da Plug more than two times.
When everything seems to be going wrong, it all goes according to plan.