If Andy Kennedy is the dean of SEC basketball based solely on length of tenure, John Calipari is the conference’s resident success-hog: an undeniable basketball mind and star recruiter at the height of his powers, armed yet again with a young but supremely talented core of freshmen and sophomore phenoms.
But we’re not here to give you the tale of the tape. Comparing tempos and efficiencies and matchups-in-isolation is for the birds. No, we’re here to help you get through what could be a bloodbath in The Pavilion — or, conversely, a tight conference showdown with barrels of points and screaming fast stretches of fun-as-hell basketball.
As ever, the following “rules” are soft guidelines more than anything. Please also practice safe imbibing habits, and whatever you do, sure as hell don’t go driving anywhere after this fracas. The game airs on ESPN2 at 7 p.m. CT. You can stream all the action over at WatchESPN.
Alright, let’s do the thing.
- If the announcers praise The Pavilion, drink.
- If UK’s Malik Monk hits a three, drink.
- If Kentucky blocks a shot, drink.
- If a replay montage of the 2014 nail-biter ending airs, finish your drink.
- If Stefan Moody is mentioned, drink two times.
- If Marshall Henderson is mentioned, drink three times.
- If John Calipari flips out on a referee, drink.
- If Terence Davis scores at the rim off a fast break, drink.
- If Rasheed Brooks bricks a shot, drink.
- If the announcers mention how well Kentucky fans travel and that there are quite a few in attendance, drink.
- If Cullen Neal’s backstory is brought up in any capacity, drink.
- If/when Sebastian Saiz reaches a double-double, finish your drink.
- If the announcers ignore gameplay for a couple of minutes to casually dissect Kentucky’s road to the Final Four, take a shot.
- If both teams have at least 40 points by halftime, finish your drink.
- If the Rebels win, finish your drink then finish another drink then find transport down to Oxford and close down the Library because holy hell they just beat Kentucky in The Pavilion.
Alright, good luck out there, everyone, and Hotty Toddy.