Last month, Alabama was fun. But as pointed out in this week’s Shutdown Fullcast and Podcast Ain’t Played Nobody, Alabama is no longer fun. So how do you #TalkAboutTheTide without falling into a debilitating stupor of inevitability? YOU MAKE THINGS UP.
It’s of course a universal fact that Bama’s two-deep is studded with four and five star recruits from top to bottom, but try as he might Nick Saban can’t hoard all of the country’s four and five star football talent in the bowels of Bryant-Denny Stadium. That’s against NCAA rules, unless you coach at Ole Miss.
It’s also a universal fact that the SEC East — though nominally one half of a Power 5 conference — is abysmal this year. We half-jokingly pointed out last week that no less than South Carolina still had a chartable road to the SEC Championship, which isn’t gonna happen now, but this season the east division quickly formed a circular firing squad that rendered everyone beatable on any given Saturday. Except Florida, kind of.
This isn’t to say that the SEC East lacks Bama-like talent on an atomic level, though. Not at all, in fact. The killing machine of athletes in Tuscaloosa could be replicated many times over between Lexington and Gainesville, but could one pluck out the very best of those SEC East players at their respective positions and line them up against the Tide with a real shot at winning? What could such a team look like? Well, here’s one from-the-hip offering:
- Quarterbacks: Jacob Eason (Georgia), Joshua Dobbs (Tennessee)
- Running backs: Nick Chubb (Georgia), Ralph Webb (Vanderbilt)
- Wide receivers: J’Mon Moore (Missouri), Josh Malone (Tennessee), Antonio Callaway (Florida)
- Tight ends: Isaac Nauta (Georgia), Ethan Wolf (Tennessee)
- Defensive line: Florida, but with Derek Barnett (Tennessee)
- Linebackers: Zach Cunningham (Vanderbilt), Jordan Jones (Kentucky), Jarrad Davis (Florida)
- Secondary: um, Florida
- Punt and kick returners: Isaiah McKenzie (Georgia), Evan Berry (Tennessee)
- Kicker: Rodrigo Blankenship (Georgia)
- Punter: Sean Kelly (South Carolina)
Elsewhere around the SEC ...
Bama clinched the West. Again.
Georgia hasn’t worn their black jerseys since 2008, when the Bulldogs were embarrassed by Alabama in Athens, 41-30. Well, this Saturday against LOUISIANA-LAFAYETTE Georgia’s going with the black jerseys once again. OH YOU HERSCHEL.
Florida and LSU are playing that makeup game from way back in October this Saturday. You know, the one that made everyone involved look like an asshole.