Around the SEC Week 5: The only thing worse than a fall wedding is a hurricane

Hurricane season is always liable to ruin an SEC football game. Most notably, Hurricane Katrina forced LSU’s 2005 season opener against Arizona State to move from a home date in Tiger Stadium to an away affair in Sun Devil Stadium, but there are countless examples of hurricanes and tropical storms washing out games, ruining both the action on the field and the experience for the fans. This Saturday might see some of that, as a pair of SEC contests are in a bit of a limbo heading into the weekend.

South Carolina and Georgia are on the schedule for the SEC Network’s Saturday night slot, which puts them at a real risk of having to alter their plans if this hurricane does indeed slam the Palmetto State. South Carolina governor Nikki Haley has even said that she is not particularly keen on a football game being played in Columbia this weekend.

One possibility? Play it in the Georgia Dome instead! We are sure Dawgs fans won’t mind the virtual home crowd, nor are we worried that evacuated South Carolinians will have too much of an issue with spending a weekend in Atlanta.

As of yesterday, Florida’s still planning to host the LSU Tigers in Gainesville at noon on Saturday, but the schools have been talking about what could happen if Matthew tracks more westward and forces them to reschedule or even relocate the contest. Even without a change in plans, that’s a game that is almost certainly going to be wet, windy, and dangerous which, really, isn’t much of a deviation from day-to-day life in either Louisiana or Florida.

The impending storm has also adversely affected this very website as Jim, our Charleston Correspondent and your usual SEC whip-arounder-guy, is battening down the hatches at either his domicile or (more likely) a stubbornly open Chucktown dive bar.

He’s gonna be fine, by the way. He’s just not gonna have regular wifi for a minute here, so your homies Ghost and Zach are piloting this ship right into a sandbar of #content. Bear with us, potential mutineers, and know that Captain Lohmar will return soon enough.

Now, on to the SEC.

Vandy has a pirate playing quarterback.

In a hard fought SEC East battle in Music City against the Florida Gators, the Commodores’ quarterback was inadvertently poked in the eye while trying to lead a furious comeback. The Dores lost 13-6 and Shurmur didn’t get to return to the field after suffering the orbital injury.

The sophomore signal caller told reporters on Tuesday that he couldn’t even see out of his injured right eye. But, not to worry, Vandy faithful. Your quarterback is tough as shit and will not let this keep him from hanging upwards of 16 points on the Kentucky Wildcats.

This is just further proof of how awesome college football is and how they do not discriminate against those who commit warlike acts on water. (And talk about depth perception issues am I right? Get it? Because it’s both eyesight and nautical humor?)

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Now, we have discussed it above how the Gamecocks and Bulldogs may not get to play in week 5, but hoo boy the Georgia head coach is giving us some fantastic bulletin board material. Kirby Smart and Will Muschamp’s time at Georgia as players overlapped and as you can see below, Kirb has some choice words for Puncho and who he was on campus.

This is classic lowkey shit talking here. Smart puts himself down before tossing out some sarastic “yeah you thought you were so kewl” mud. If this game actually does happen, we think we can all agree that these two fist-fighting each other in the middle of a hurricane might be better than watching the Dawgs and the Cocks do battle on the gridiron.

In other news regarding this matchup, Chip Towers has reported that the game could possibly move to the Georgia Dome. This would be less than ideal for the Cocks since they lost a home game last season and had to travel to Baton Rouge due to catastrophic flooding in Columbia.

Hunting is a Team Sport in Baton Rouge

This is where we either make a "this is an election year so the real clowns are the folks on the ballot!" or a "Les Miles clock management is some real clownin' around!" type of joke, but neither would convey with proper weight the sincere threat placed on our friends in Baton Rouge by these damned creepy clowns. To boot, Ed Orgeron almost certainly has a deathly fear of clowns, so don’t be shocked if photos emerge of this clown killing mob being led by a shirtless, lumber-wielding Coach O doing his best “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan routine.

Elsewhere around the SEC...

It appears that Alabama may have thrown some hush money at a former assistant NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

Check out this fantastic tribute to former Bama and Chiefs great Derrick Thomas from AL.com’s Bob Carlton.

So Arkansas is giving away free pizza if the Hogs beat the Tide. Another business is wanting to get in on the action.

Luke del Rio might be in action for the Florida Gators’ game against LSU. If so, his return would only add another wrinkle to one of the conference’s most shrug-inducing regular contests. Maybe this means something! Maybe it doesn’t! Who the hell even knows anymore?

NOW FOR A NON-SEC UPDATE:

The Earth is literally opening up to swallow Purdue football.

It is only natural to think that because the football gods have been so charitable to allow Purdue to get off to a blistering 2-2 start that the Boilermakers now have really angered the Earth and turf management gods. Need further proof? Well...

Now, the good news is they don’t have to play at home until October 15th. The bad news is, you guessed it, they have a gigantic hole in their field. USA Today reported that the grounds crew has stated that this is due to a main water line breaking and flooding the entire field. Godspeed to the turf in West Lafayette. Godspeed.