With Ole Miss football swiftly reaching terminal velocity in its descent to forgetfulness, it’s all too easy not to take a break from shattering dishware and peruse other happenings around the SEC. Here’s your Week 8 whip-around, then.
What does puking on fellow LSU fans in Death Valley earn you? Two strains of virality, it seems, as a Tigers fan found out Saturday night after vomiting on nearby fans, fighting the responding officers and eventually getting popped for possession of marijuana to boot. Let’s go to the tape, courtesy of WAFB.com:
The probable cause report says after kicking the officer, other officers had to execute a fireman’s carry to take her out of the stadium to prevent her from hurting herself or others. Once out of the stands, officials say [she] was able to free her leg and kick the first officer a second time. She was taken to the booking room and advised of her rights per Miranda.
With all these kicks landing on their intended target, maybe the Seahawks and Cardinals should look into signing her, eh? Is there video of the arrest? You bet your belligerent ass there’s video of the arrest.
Just another Saturday night in southeast Louisiana.
For the first time all season, South Carolina did something good.
Well, sort of.
#Gamecocks out of the FBS basement in scoring offense. Now 127th after putting up 34 vs. UMass. Buffalo owns the 128th and final spot.— David Caraviello (@dcaraviello) October 24, 2016
FINALLY those stats work in Will Muschamp’s favor. Great job, Coach Rageface.
Should Jalen Hurts be mentioned in the Heisman race?
It’s not outside the realm of possibility. As a true freshman, Hurts is running a gradually retooled Alabama “spread” offense to near perfection this season. Last year, as an early enrollee at Bama, he impersonated Deshaun Watson in the Tide’s practice sessions before the national championship against Clemson. As recently as last week, Bleacher Report’s Christopher Walsh considered Hurts a dark horse in 2016’s Heisman race.
Now, based on pure statistical output alone, Louisville’s star quarterback is crushing all comers so far. He’s responsible for 34 touchdowns already, and he’s amassed 2,161 yards passing and 908 yards rushing. Hurts has 20 combined passing and rushing touchdowns on 1,549 yards through the air and 521 yards with his feet. With Jackson standing head and shoulders above everyone else, though, Hurts certainly deserves mention in this year’s Heisman conversation.
Clay Travis, an ignorant buffoon, got punked on Twitter.
Internet hoax incoming in 3, 2, 1 ...
That’s right, Clay Travis got friggin’ CHAPS’D. Barstool Sports’ latest big-name media hire, @UncleChaps, made something of a name for himself after he duped Ian Rapoport and Adam Schefter — along with a host of others — during last season’s NFL trade deadline, a wonderful bit of high internet comedy that cast egg over many NFL media people’s faces.
Well, in the spirit of Chaps’ impersonation hijinks, Twitter user @JDog5513 donned the handle and avatar of FOX Sports’ Bruce Feldman on Monday and “reported” that Ole Miss was announcing a self-imposed bowl ban following the Rebs’ loss to LSU. Your gullible racist hazing enthusiast Clay Travis then picked up the tweet and treated it as fact, only to be shamed into deleting his editorializing on when and how Ole Miss should self-flagellate over the NCAA’s notice of allegations. Maybe next time, Clay, you bigoted clown.
Elsewhere around the SEC ...
Mississippi State remains bad at football this year.
Mississippi State fans are deeply unhappy about that.
Mississippi State fans are divided on whether they’ll continue watching the Bulldogs play football this season.
Mississippi State writers are conducting cost-benefit analyses on the merits of keeping Dan Mullen around.
Papa John might be to blame for Mississippi State’s football foibles.