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Your school's top recruit just decommitted because your coach dabbed with him

Your coach dabbed with a five-star recruit, and it backfired horribly.

By Jim Lohmar
Jonathan Kongbo's twitter

Exclusively non-football field dabbing has officially died. Cam Newton's end zone celebration of choice now resides solely with Cam Newton and NFL end zones, thanks in large part to your school's head football coach, who dabbed at the home of a highly-touted recruit earlier this year. Viva la dab.

Your school's most prized prospect feels that his decision not to attend your alma mater reflects what's best for himself, his family and, most importantly, his career. Your coach's dabbing has raised serious issues related to character, rectitude and classiness, said your school's former football signee, and after much prayer and consideration, he's taking his talents elsewhere, probably to your most detested rival.

"I'll always appreciate the opportunity that was offered to me," wrote your school's once-and-never savior, "but the late stages of my recruitment have shown me what Coach is really all about. It just doesn't feel right."

Your school's top recruit clarified his reasons for flipping commitments via Twitter, where evidence of your storied program's coach hitting the dab is incontrovertible.

The damning photographs were picked up by SI's Extra Mustard, who pointed out that your coach "tried" to "connect" with "the youth," but instead it appears your football team's most visible ambassador went and embarrassed himself in front of millions.

Nor does your head coach's dabbing shenanigans end there. SEC Country has video proof that your field general dabbed on at least one other occasion, this time somewhere in Louisiana.

Unfortunately, it appears that this well goes all the way down, inasmuch as your coach popped up dabbing again way back in early December.

FOX Sports reports that this video was taken by the country's top running back prospect at his family home, where your school's coach arrogantly walked in and dabbed all over them fools. This comes as a tough blow for your school's football program and coach, who perhaps should have run off on the plug at least once, if not twice, in lieu of nodding his head into his elbow like a damn idiot.

"Please, let the misery stop," you may be pleading, "it has to stop somewhere." Well, it doesn't. Your coach's dabbing has ruined lives and livelihoods and letters of intent across the country.

As first reported by CBS Sports, this photograph surfaced as recently as Jan. 27, 2016, further proving that your school's coach hasn't learned anything from the wreckage he's caused on the recruiting trail this year. He should be ashamed of himself, if not thrown outright into prison.

But oh my, oh no, oh no no no no. Not again. Your school's head football coach went and did it again.

"But how?" you're wondering, "how does he not see the pain that he's causing?" It's impossible to know, really. Perhaps your football team's coach is a deranged sociopath, hellbent on dabbing-related destruction. Perhaps he means to offend you personally, because, in truth, he very much does not like you.