While there is no set date on the calendar for Tad Smith Coliseum's destruction, the time for it to spring new leaks is running short. When the explosives are finally strapped to all of its load-bearing beams and it comes crumbling to the ground, it will be a wonderful time to be alive.
And what better way for Ole Miss fans to participate in this happy occasion than to have a hand in the demolition. That's why I'm introducing the proposal for Ole Miss to conduct the 'Reduce the Tad Pad to Rubble Raffle'.
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The idea is pretty simple. Obviously, we don't want our fellow fans handling explosives, because that would be one of the few ideas worse than daytime fireworks, but for $5, anyone can enter the raffle to be randomly selected as the person who gets to press the 'detonate' button when the Tad Pad's day of reckoning arrives.
Even if you don't win the highly coveted top prize, the other prizes are pretty sweet too. You could still walk away with a piece of the famous blue vinyl siding to prominently display in your home, THE Jock Jams CD that served admirably for at least a decade and a half, or a brick from the chimney that was used when the Tad Pad was rented out on the weekends to Industrial Revolution factory reenactors.
But just having the chance to be the person who sends the Tad Pad to Decrepit Spaceship Arena Heaven is a well-deserved opportunity for any Ole Miss fan, especially after living with the Tad Pad and its representations of years of basketball futility and good ol' boy administrations. And actually being the person who brings forth the end of such a symbol? OH HOW I WANT THAT RESPONSIBILITY AND I HATE RESPONSIBILITY.
Knowing myself and my dislike of that building, I will buy an unhealthy number of tickets to increase my shot at being the selected destructor. But, let's not make this all about destruction and dancing on the rubble. The money from raffle ticket sales will go to a charity of choice so that the final act of the Tad Pad offers someone a slice of joy, rather than a power outage at the most inconvenient time.
So let's take this idea and make it happen, Ole Miss administration and community. Fan excitement, money going to those who need it, and EXPLOSIONS*? What more could you want?
*Please use explosives. I mean, a wrecking ball is cool and all, but explosives are way more awesome. But, if we go with the wrecking ball, the winner could turn the key to start the crane engine or something. Ugh, BORING.