Last week, Hugh Freeze, either in an effort to throw us off the scent of Chad Kelly's semi-ownership of the quarterback position or to see if he could melt an Ole Miss fan's face off, said that he might "have a play where all three are out there" at the same time. Since that statement, Freeze has anointed Kelly as his sorta-starter (it's unclear whether you use oils for the sorta-starter or save them for the full-time starter), but said that all three will play on Saturday.
If Freeze does follow through with this idea of a play involving all three quarterbacks, it would surely be the first time this has ever happened at Ole Miss. The closest thing I can recall is the 2004 South Carolina game where David Cutcliffe wanted everyone to get a good look at the poor quarterback recruiting and development job he had done, and rotated all three quarterbacks on a play-to-play basis.
I was in the stands that day in Columbia and it was pure madness, yet I found it quite invigorating. Madness because even Steve Spurrier never rotated three quarterbacks, and invigorating because a game between eventual 4-7 and 6-5 teams needed all the help it could get.
So what if Freeze did attempt to play all three quarterbacks at once? What would that look like? How would he use them? Who would handle ball? One of them? Two of them? Three? OH THE MISDIRECTION.
Based on simple logic and understanding football on a higher plane, we can deduce the plays that would involve all three quarterbacks, but also feature the strengths of each individual quarterback. First up, the play featuring Ryan Buchanan.
As you MIGHT have heard by now, Buchanan has been labeled the "game manager" of the three. Fair or not, that's what he is until he gets the chance to show otherwise (bad or good).
Since he is a game manager, he's asked to play like a manager. And what do managers do in an attempt to manage? They conduct PowerPoint presentations as a way to teach and lead their people.
What will this play look like on the field? A little something like this:
As you can see, the play calls for Buchanan to take the snap, and then everyone gathers around him to be managed via a PowerPoint presentation. As luck would have it, we were able to acquire a copy of his PowerPoint presentation.
That meeting isn't producing any touchdowns, but you can put three points on the board every fourth possession.
The second potential play option is for DeVante Kincade. Allegedly trailing both Kelly and Buchanan, Kincade brings speed to the position that the other two do not have.
The main question is, if he has to throw it, will it go anywhere near the target and/or will it be intercepted. Freeze knows this, so Kincade's play is designed to take advantage of both his speed and nickname of Switchblade.
As you can see, once the Switchblade gets moving, GET OUT OF THE WAY. It will possibly called back by a penalty for slicing and dicing, but we can't worry about that right now because THERE ARE TOUCHDOWNS TO SCORE.
And that brings us to the play for sorta-starter Chad Kelly. Known for having exceptional talent and what you might call ADEQUATE TO QUITE ADEQUATE CONFIDENCE, Kelly's play takes advantage of those attributes. While clearly the most risky, the reward is also the greatest.
If you're a little confused as to what's happening here, I'll try to explain. At the snap, Buchanan breaks immediately for the sideline. Once there, he acquires the set of keys to the Camaro (there are no pockets in football pants, people). He then sprints back to Kelly, hands him the keys, and then all the quarterbacks jump in the IROC-Z and speed toward the end zone.
Finally (AMEN), Freeze also has a fourth play that heavily involves all three quarterbacks. Not sure what this one is called.
For this play, Kelly takes the snap, hands off to Kincade, who fakes to Buchanan. Kincade keeps it, but then pitches it back to Laquon Treadwell, who is now running a rever- OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, IT'S THE TREADWELL PASS PLAY.
Why would Hugh Freeze call for one of his wide receivers to pass when he has three quarterbacks on the field? Because Hugh Freeze will never listen to you, nor will he ever quit the Treadwell pass play.