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Let's Pump the Brakes on Elite Basketball Recruits

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If you get excited about blue chip commits, then you're a daggum dummy.

A future bust iyam
A future bust iyam
Francois Nel/Getty Images

Five-star guard Malik Newman of Jackson, MS officially committed to Mississippi State University today, ending weeks of speculation of where he intends to spend his fewer-than-365 days in college. As per the usual, we at the TSUN Bear controlled media got it wrong and are horrible people for having done so.

Newman, who plays for Callaway is rated by some the top guard prospect in the country and for Mississippi State, on paper it's a huge get if his commitment stays firm.

I personally try not to get into recruiting until the opportunity arises to pen 1000 words about another schools commit, but after countless messages and tweets to me about the heralded shooter, I decided to address it.

"Funny how you don't know the difference between prima donna and pre-Madonna" "Typical black bear idiot" "You reap what you sow".  These are just a few samples of countless messages I got from random grinder fan boys.

While five-star point guards are great to get, let me remind you fan boys, they don't always work out and specifically for Mississippi State or those out of the state of Mississippi.  I urge you zealous recruiting stalkers to pump the breaks on Malik Newman because your excitement makes me uncomfortable and I don't like the idea of Mississippi State having a better basketball team than Ole Miss.

I know the initial response is going to be "I'm jealous or you just wish Andy Kennedy could get five star guards", but trust me that is hardly the case. I write these types of things all the time, ya dum dum. Andy Kennedy has proven he can recruit junior college transfers so I sleep like a baby at night when talking about the future of Ole Miss basketball, because that's something that I often think about while going to sleep.

Back to Newman - we should not be surprised that a Mississippi State fan would throw a Dudy Gras like party over the 6-3 and 174 lb high school kid.  Mississippi State has been searching for the next great combo guard, or really just D-1 caliber basketball talent, since Rick Stansbury left campus.  Over the past several years, Mississippi State has had several guards on their basketball rosters, and every year State fans have heralded them as "the one" and predicted all sorts of all-America or all-SEC honors. I don't feel the need to substantiate this argument that I intend to refute.

Do we not remember Ben Hansbrough back in 2008 and how great he was going to be?  Or how Gary Ervin was supposed to make us think he was Gary Payton? Transfer Brian Bryant was bound to light the SEC on fire. Or how about five star guard and Mississippi native Monta Ellis, who committed to State but never even set foot on campus! One and done? More like none and done for that doofus.

Renardo Sidney was the next best thing to honey wheat toast, then he was thrown under the bus for fistfighitng with his teammates on national television.  Dee Bost was going to make Kentucky forget about basketball and Trivante Bloodman would win the Naismith Award.

Out of the, like, 20 guards or something over a conveniently selected period of time, only two or so had any success for Mississippi State. I'm not going to define what "success" is in this context, because I don't think it's necessary to explain my reasoning. I've never read an academic paper in my life. And now it looks as though the Bulldogs will go away from highly publicized guards Tookie Brown and Quinndary Weatherspoon.

While on paper, Newman looks like a home run, this is hardly the case when talking about the state of Mississippi and high school guards.  Mississippi is known for producing top notch SEC talent, but has failed miserably when talking about guards.

Since 1999 there have been 18-high level 3-star to 5-star guards from the 'Ssip as determined by a recruiting service I won't bother to mention, and only two have been worth their salt on the court and none of them played at Mississippi State. Guards from Mississippi have been basically a big ol' bag of doodoo by my standards.

Scottie Haralson went to Connecticut before Transferring to Tulsa. Jarvis Summers went to Ole Miss and won the Howell Trophy.  Surely everyone remembers 4-star shooter Dundrecous Nelson who got busted by a pizza delivery guy for smokin' ganja and Julysses Nobles who transferred to Jackson State after a short stint at Arkansas. And what about that Devin Booker character, who averaged a paltry ten points per game this season with the Kentucky Wildcats (who?!). I mean, c'mon!

Everyone ever thought these guys were going to light the world on fire. You all remember this or, if you do not, you trust me as a valuable source on this information. I would never do something like craft someone else's argument for them in a manner that makes it easy to dismiss.

This is hardly a knock on Newman as a basketball player because he may be the next Steph Curry, but then again he might be the next Eniel Polynice.  Mississippi State has had success with 0-percent of the guards they have signed over the past five years and six-percent of Mississippi prep guards have gone on to have good college careers. Again, I'm using "success" and "good college careers" as metrics that do not need to be defined, as their definitions are universally agreed upon and widely understood.

When you run the numbers, it simply says pump the breaks on Newman and see how he pans out.  Guards are the hardest position to project from one level to the next. This is true because I assert it as such. Also, I used numbers, which means what I'm saying is true.

Nobody ever thought Jeff Malone would be any kind of an SEC shooting guard and all he did was beat Ole Miss a bunch of times and then become an NBA all star - TWICE - in the 1980's. And who would've thunk Dee Bost would have two straight years where he is mentioned with the word "Naismith". This sentence is an example of me mentioning Dee Bost with the word "Naismith".

All this is to say, you nor I really know how Newman is gonna pan out, but if I were you, I'd be very cautious - the percentages sure don't play into your favor.

[We hate having to do this because we assume you're smart enough to figure it out, but here's your reminder that the takes contained herein are satirical, and a bit of an inside joke. It's only for the lulz, y'all. -Ed]