Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you haters. I get it, I understand, I feel you. "ANOTHER pork post on Arkansas weekend!?!?! That's not original or clever and your the fucking asshole who is always beating us over the head to be both, dick..." I get it, but you know what? No fucks given. At this point, pork posts for Arky weekend are the new RCR Turdishun, so suck it up.

Moving on... What follows is a recipe for some of the baddest ribs on this here planet Earth. Some parts of it are conventional, some ain't. Some are boring and some are... well... less boring, but it results in some DAMN fine vittles, or so I've been told. I won't be bringing these bad boys with me to the game this weeeknd, but I will have some damn tasty pork loin that is brined for about 36 hours so swing by and grab a few slices if you're in town. Now on to the good stuff.

You'll need the following:

2 racks of baby back ribs

1 bottle of Austin's Own Medium BBQ sauce

1 bunch of cilantro

1/4 cup bourbon

1/2 cup OJ

1 gallon apple cider (juice will work but cider is better)

1 huge onion

5-10 cloves of garlic

3 or 4 sprigs of fresh rosemary

3 or 4 sprigs fresh thyme

fresh chili peppers (jollies are fine, serranos are better, ghost peppers are MANLY as fuck)

1/2 cup salt

1/2 cup dark brown sugar or molasses

your favorite BBQ rub. I use a 50/50 mix of Bad Byrons Butt Rub and Frank Davis Nawlins Pork Rub

A smoker (with apple and cherry chips)

A grill set up for medium direct heat

Plenty of beer

Here we go. First, put this on:

Because its says "I want to be formal, but I also like to party." Then, put this on:

Because if you're going to cook, you need to rock the colors, y'all. Next, get yourself a nice big, wide, flat plastic pan (or cambro, google it) with a lid. Pour in half the apple cider, add in the chopped onion, pull the leaves off the rosemary and thyme and chop them and add them in. Do the same with the garlic, a couple jalapenos or serranos and half the bunch of cilantro. Only use one ghost pepper or you won't be able to eat them. In a pitcher, add about 2 cups of hot as hell tap water, then add the salt and molasses/brown sugar. Mix until dissolved, then add to the big pan. Rinse and clean your ribs, pull off the membrane on the back and toss them into the brine, then add more of the cider until the ribs are covered, like this:

Put the lid on that bad boy and stick in your fridge. I usually go about 36 hours, rotating every 8-12 hours.

The morning you're going to cook them, pull them out and rinse off all the hangers on. Pat them dry, then grab your BBQ spice and coat them GENEROUSLY on both sides like this:

If they will be out for more than an hour, put them back in the fridge while you get everything set up. They should darken as the salt in the rub pulls moisture to the surface of the ribs. This is important for a great bark. Don't leave them in the fridge for more than a couple hours because they'll start to dry out.

Once your smoker is ready to go, stick 'em in the rig and let them smoke for at least 3 hrs (I usually go for about 4) with the apple and cherry chips at 225 to 245:

When they have about an hour left on the smoker, pour the bottle of Austin's Own into a sauce pot. Add the bourbon and the OJ, then chop up the 2nd half of the cilantro, toss it in there. Let that simmer really low while you finish cooking until it reduces to the original volume of sauce, like this:

When your ribs are finished smoking, pull them off. They will not be finished cooking yet. They should look like this:

Next, get your charcoal grill ready with 1 layer of briquets spread across the entire bottom grate surface so that it's medium heat at the grill grates. Put some foil on the counter and add a rack of ribs, paint generously with sauce on both sides,

Wrap them up tightly, then put on the medium heat grill.

Don't. Walk. Away. You need to flip them over every 5-7 minutes and rotate them across the grill surface so they all get some of the same heat. I usually cook them for about 45 mins to 1 hr this way, or until they are flimsy and bend easily. Unwrap them, paint with more sauce and toss a couple times on the grill to caramelize the sauce, like this:

Serve with lots of cold beer, napkins and the remaining warm BBQ sauce.

(Pro tip, when you unwrap the ribs, do so carefully so that you can pour the liquid from the foil into the BBQ sauce pot, then mix it up and use it to glaze the ribs at the end. DAMN. FINE. VITTLES.

Oooooorrrrrrr, if you don't want to screw with all this shit, find out when I'm cooking next and get your asses down here to the Bayou. Hotty Fuckin Toddy, beat that porky ASS, Rebs...