We're going to preach to you in our regular less-than-reverent manner.
We are writing to address an important situation because, as you all know, somebody disrespected a statue that we built.
You will want to call these people "assholes."
Maybe you would say, "They must be a special kind of backward to think that nooses are even clever or threatening. I mean, certainly they know everybody thinks they (and the rest of Mississippi) are the Satan spawn of the possum-man from Deliverance now? If they brought that out into the light of day, they would be wishing that their fate would be as good as being choke-slammed into the Spanish Language table."
Or perhaps: "Georgia flag? Literally, GEORGIA FLAG? What? They didn't realize that Mississippi's flag had the Confederate emblem on it? Have they not been in the state long enough to even realize that racism is a perfectly home-grown crop?"
Maybe even: "James Meredith graduated from the University of Mississippi, which is probably something that their dumb white asses will never do."
We're sports people, so social commentary is special event stuff. However, we feel like our community knows this sort of thing is bad for Mississippi, so here we are, preaching to the choir. But, choir, it's getting old bitching about these things and hearing the altos wondering about when we're going to start asking ourselves why this shit keeps happening to us.
We're sure the choir will put some similar input into the comments section. You will want to call these people assholes because they make our community look bad. They make some of us look bad individually. They have degraded some of us, making all of us angry. They challenge some of us to speak the damn truth when flags, words, and innuendos are presented in private.
But let's not call these people assholes. Because assholes are anatomically important. Assholes purify and get rid of waste. Assholes help cleanse the body of the nasty stuff that will poison you. These people aren't the assholes. These people are the refuse.
We are the assholes. And, as far as these people go, we feel like taking a dump.
P.S. I just got a note from Carol in Human Resources. She said, "Let's make sure to find out who these people are because hiring them could create some serious liability for us. Literally, when they're identified, they will be radioactive."