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As we all know, former Ole Miss All-American and current San Francisco 49ers All-Pro Patrick Willis is as awesome an endorsement man as he is a linebacker. From killing those motherfuckers with Kenny Powers and K-Swiss, to intimidating middle-age white guys into using Visa to turning battery commercials into Oscar-worthy dramas of perseverance and redemption, P-Willie makes some damn fine advertisements.
But his latest series of hysterical shorts with Rawlings might be the best of them all.
I'll let Patrick himself explain the concept:
Go on, Patrick.
(So Jupiter is comprised almost exclusively of gas and liquids. He's a football player, not an astronomer.)
These are obviously phenomenal, and they got a few of us at the Cup thinking about other Patrick Willises of the world. Here's our list:
- Christmas, the Patrick Willis of holidays.
- Charlie Kelly, the Patrick Willis of janitors.
- Philip Rivers's face, the Patrick Willis of punchable faces.
- Bourbon, the Patrick Willis of liquor.
- Nacho cheese, the Patrick Willis of cheese.
- Keanu Reeves, the Patrick Willis of shitty actors.
- Laser tag, the Patrick Willis of tag.
- Big Bad Breakfast, the Patrick Willis of breakfast.
- Indiana Jones, the Patrick Willis of 20th Century explorers.
- Brett Favre, the Patrick Willis of indecisive, ruggedly handsome men that play pickup football in jeans.
- The 0.50 Desert Eagle, the Patrick Willis of handguns.
- Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, the Patrick Willis of 90s sitcoms.
- Will Smith, the Patrick Willis of gettin' jiggy wit it.
- "Hi, I'm on the baseball team," the Patrick Willis of pickups lines in Oxford, Miss.
- Bagel Bites, the Patrick Willis of microwavable food.
- Waffle House, the Patrick Willis of drunk food.
- The handlebar mustache, the Patrick Willis of facial hair.
- James Trivette, the Patrick Willis of sidekicks.
- Marshall Henderson, the Patrick Willis of basketball players most likely to be mistaken for Jessie Pinkman.
- Houseshoes from L.L. Bean, the Patrick Willis of chilly weather attire.
- One dollar PBR nights, the Patrick Willis of the hipster college bar scene.
- The Hunger Games, the Patrick Willis of chick flicks parading as action movies.
- The platypus, the Patrick Willis of the Animal Kingdom. (Because they just don't give a fuck.)
- Kevin Federline, the Patrick Willis of useless celebrities.
- Quentin Tarantino, the Patrick Willis of violence for entertainment. (Or is it the other way around?)
- Kim Jong Un, the Patrick Willis of punk bitches.
- Brian Cardinal, the Patrick Willis of NBA players that look like your dad.
- Dr. Dre, the Patrick Willis of procrastinators.
- Facebook, the Patrick Willis of methods by which you stalk your ex-girlfriends.
- Pizza Lunchables, the Patrick Willis of middle school lunches.
- Tsunamis, the Patrick Willis of natural disasters.
- America, the Patrick Willis of nations.
- Ron Swanson, the Patrick Willis of Thursday night comedies.
- Tony Allen, the Patrick Willis of perimeter defense. [Edit: also the Patrick Willis of GRINDING]
- OxpatchReb, the Patrick Willis of capitalized profanity.
- Mr. Main, the Patrick Willis of ‘huh?'
Leave your own Patrick Willises of the world in the comments section or tweet them @Jeff_GraySBN with the hashtag #PWillieof. If we like 'em enough we'll bump 'em up into the main list.
[This list was a group effort. Shout out to Ghost, Kennedy's_Fist, Ivory Tower, The Nkemist and One Man To Beat for their contributions. You're all the Patrick Willises of my heart.]