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Just to Bide our Time, How About some Message Board Idiots?

Charles Barkley and his horse think you're a bunch of knuckleheads.
Charles Barkley and his horse think you're a bunch of knuckleheads.

Because it's the Summer and we're struggling to piecemeal content on this here corner of SB Nation's blog borg, how about some idiocy I've found throughout the various comments threads strewn about everyone's favorite newspaper's website? It didn't take much, with recruiting news, coachspeak, and off-the-field issues taking up most of the coverage provided by Mississippi's college football e-hub this June. Fans of all stripes are excited about their teams' respective upcoming seasons, and have decided to show that by hastily forming bad opinions and poorly articulating them over the internet.

So on with it! On with everyone's second or third favorite Red Cup Rebellion feature! On to the derision of message board idiots! And, no, as always none of this has been edited, save for the removal of names or other identifiable information.

In response to an Ole Miss fan's completely sarcastic prediction that Ole Miss could "sneak out a win" over Tulane this fall:

Sure! And i believe in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause. Sneak out a win? Over lowly Tulane. Against all Odds? Are you talking about the same lowly Tulane that I know? We pound out wins at MSU like we have done against Sue U. for 3 consecutive years. How far have the mity (sic) Bears fallen?

I have no idea how one could write "mity" and then follow it with a sic. Also, "Sue U" is kinda clever. It rhymes, even!

Regarding a post regarding the weaker nonconference schedule at State this fall and in response to a post wishing for the Bulldogs to play more "Georgia Techs."

Losing to George Tech did more than nothing for us, it kept us from a bowl game.

I dunno, "George Tech" made me laugh, I guess.

Of course, no Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State online battle of wits - the e-Egg Bowl? - is complete without a snarky response from an overly confident Southern Miss fan:

And what is Moo U's record against SEC west the last 4 years, genious? The truth hurts, I know but deal with it. Your school has not beaten anybody. U beat up on the Middle TN, Jackson Sts., and Alcorns of the world and get demolished in the SEC by everybody except Ole Miss and yet you crow about how good you are. Pathetic!!!!!

To that, a confused State fan's retort:

I can deal with the truth, back to back bowls and 3 in a row against the poo bears. Not all the way where we will be, but getting there. Poo bears are 0-14 in SEC, 6-18 overall.

I think we all know what "poo bears" do in the woods.

Does Hugh Freeze make a difference in the fortunes of Ole Miss in the upcoming Egg Bowl? One State fan believes the answer is "no":

.........It is not the coach.........the fact that Mississippi State is full of home-grown recruits instead of recruits from other states..........pushes us over the edge in the Egg Bowl.

The last Egg Bowl we won - the 45 to zero beatdown in Oxford - saw an Ole Miss team with a quarterback from Texas, a slot receiver from Florida, a wideout from New Orleans, and a halfback from Baton Rouge score most of the team's points. There's also that whole world famous left tackle from Tennessee thing.

We can disagree, but I fight harder when it's personal. Most of these kids have chosen sides from an early age and the Egg Bowl is personal to them and their families.

I know I point this out often, but so many of our schools' respective fan bases seem to think that these football games mean the same thing to the players as they do to the fans. They don't. Most college football players, for Ole Miss or Mississippi State, didn't grow up watching either school. They certainly knew of each school and I imagine that a few of them even grew up as fans, but the vast majority of them aren't like the lot of us who cheered for them.

This, itself, is a pretty common mistake made by fans of both schools. It's why you see Ole Miss fans say things like "why wouldn't [FIVE STAR RECRUIT] come to Oxford! It has City Grocery and Nielsen's!" These young men simply don't value the same things we do.

On the Nkemdiche to Climpson news:

The poo bears ship continue's to sink

Picture in your head a sinking ship (in possession of who knows what) being commanded by ursine critters comprised of fecal matter. I'm sure that's exactly what this guy was going for.

And the hits keep coming. You guys can't catch a breal, almost feel sorry for you, almost. The last few years haven't been kind, backtoback years of being the worst 'athletic' program in the SEC. And when you had just a glisp of a few days of smiles on the recruiting trail, MSU came out of nowhere and crushed you, even taking one away from the frozen1's freezer this week, smiles turned upside down now. Then you find out that the signing of a brother to get another didn't work like it did on Ward. Dang, all you guys had was recruiting rankings, oh well. Another good day to not be a bear, hotty notty

What's so amazing is that so many State fans, despite their own school going so far as to offer a scholarship to Nkemdiche's brother-from-another-mother in an attempt to land the star defensive end, took his commitment to Clemson as an opportunity to gloat to Ole Miss. Like "OH HEY THAT RECRUIT THAT BOTH OF US WANTED WELL NEITHER OF US GOT HIM BUT YOU DIDN'T GET HIM MORE BECAUSE YOU SUCK HAHAHA!"

After that comment, there was some nondescript response (which did have a few errors in punctuation), then"

Your errors in grammer are absmal.


It's spelled grammAR dumba$$.

And then...

Honestly, I know how to spell grammER.

You can't even make that up. The poster then commented that

correcting errors in grammer is insane.

Yep, ensuring the correct usage of a language is a mark of insanity I tell you.

Even though you're a poo bear, your not dense enough to think that him signing elsewhere didn't hurt. With your Panola pipeline diverted, you have no room to talk about steeling one. And don't forget the live broadcast just a few months ago on the square, and going to LSU no less. Yep, the frozen1's freezer is pretty much empty. And learn to spell, it's Hotty Notty

On the news of Nick Schlussler's, the aforementioned Nkemdiche bait recruited by State, decision to leave Starkville:

Welp that sucks monkey nutts!

I laughed.

Maybe they couldn't handle Balis workouts!!

That's it. He's too much of a sissy. That's exactly what you should convince yourself of to come to terms with the ethically dubious practice of "package deal" recruiting.

Hmm,, 3rd string QB this year will be ????? Quay Evans in wildcat formation ???? If tyler and dak get hurt, your guess is as good as mine. ....... 8 7 )

Excuse me, but a fat defensive tackle running out of the wildcat is called the "Wild Catfish," and we sorta invented that. I expect royalties.

This next comment was apparently written in verse:

I'm more bummed about

Nick Redmond leaving.

If any of you care to finish this work of almost-iambic trimeter, please do so. And of course they're bummed about Redmond leaving. That dude grinded (ground? Has groudned?) for his State hard.

Schlusser sucks anyway, might as well play wildcat with Renardo Sydney at QB. Nikongdingdong committed with Clemson, so who needs the wasted scholly?

You know you laughed at "Nikongdingdong."

I am from Ga and 5 kids that went to state all 5 transfered out within a year and went to UGA, they hated it, one transferring because he changed majors from Cow f***ing and state didnt have anything else to offer him, another one being a starting pitcher named Matt Lane. He was always a big brother, I am guessing it was hard to move to Starkville and accept that little brother syndrome.If you think about it SCHUESSLER lived with Robert K-ditchy and was older than him. So another potential example of big brother not adjusting to the little brother syndrome.

Hang in there, Colonel. Freeze will surely have TSUN ready to compete with the top high school teams in the country..............GIRLS teams, that is.

Oh man. He totally reeled me in with his friendly, diplomatic approach to our rivalry, and then BAM! He got me with the "girls teams" bit! What a crafty bastard! All those periods really helped set that whole thing up!

I detect a little man syndrne here. Ha!

I imagine that the author of this comment pronounces the word "syndrome" closely to "syndrne", so I say no foul.

This bit of idiocy was in a response to a headline which read "Ole Miss exceeds minimum APR in all sports, but football score drops"

this line was thrown in to discredit Ole Miss football, credit the likes of Kyle Veasey.

An accurate representation of the facts is an attempt to "discredit Ole Miss football?" I do agree on the anti-Kyle Veazey wrath, but only out of consistency's sake. I also like how Veazey, after not being a part of the Clarion Ledger for the past couple of years, still draws significant ire from the site's regular football commentators.

There's an expression in journalism called "Spin", and yes, I am indeed, serious.

"Spin" suggests some sort of motive or end goal with the usage of language. To suggest that the Clarion Ledger is even capable of such conniving and scheming is quite the complement to, really, the newspaper industry at large.

Daniel, the CL does favor old mess, well, at least the Mannings. CL has yet to say a word about the froozen1's recruiting violations as an old mess assistant. CL has yet to bring in the facts on Bjorks time in Miami. Miami almost got the death penalty for things that went on during his tenure there. Since Archie pushed for them both, all quiet from the CL

Yep. Archie Manning runs the Clarion Ledger. That's a watertight argument right there.

And finally, for my favorite "even if you put it in context, it still doesn't make a fucking drop of sense" quote I discovered this afternoon:

have you recovered from the daily beatdowns that Johhny Foreskin laid on you? I hope so.

"I hope so." That's the kind of unity I hope to see among Ole Miss and Mississippi State fans. I hope to see us display concern for each other after suffering (presumably no longer ongoing) daily beatdowns from Johnny Foreskin.