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Red Cup Cooks: Biscuits

Another year of sports has come and (luckily) gone. That means it's time for everyone's least favorite summertime RCR series: Red Cup Cooks! We all live, literally, thousands of miles apart now, so most of our cooking endeavors will be solo acts, single dishes, maybe a handful of tapas type deals with a common theme. You know, real Food Network type shit. We keep it authentic and we keep it delicious, so enjoy and don't hesitate to comment or constructively criticize.

Yes, that's an actual photograph of actual biscuits baked with this recipe. Look at those fluffy, buttery mountains of flaky happiness right there. Don't you want to make those on your own at home? Don't you want to impress people or, at the very least, stop getting your biscuits out of a can*? Thankfully for you and your potential biscuit eating companions, you can with this rather simple recipe. You'll need:

1 cup of buttermilk, chilled
2 cups of all purpose flour
1 1/2 tablespoons of baking powder
1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
1/4 stick of butter, chilled
2 tablespoons of shortening, chilled (it's hard to measure shortening out of the fridge or freezer, so just go with a big heaping spoonful)
1 heavy pinch of salt

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.

Sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together into a large bowl. Don't have a sifter? That's fine, just make sure it's all mixed together. Still, a sifter makes baked goods fluffy 'n' shit, so you should get one.

Drop the chilled shortening and butter into the dry goods. Use your thumbs and forefingers to sorta rub the butter and shortening into the mixture. You want to break it up enough to where it creates a mixture that is crumbly and somewhat moist, almost with a texture like soil or something. Be sure to do this somewhat quickly, because if the butter melts then the whole thing's just going to be all gooey and gross and your friends are going to look at you like you're a moron, because you are.

Once that's all together, pour the buttermilk in and stir it all together with a spatula or a wooden spoon until it has a consistency similar to oatmeal. Don't touch the mixture with your fingers, because it will stick to everything.

Lightly dust a large cutting board or a clean countertop with flour. Pour the mixture out onto the floured surface, then dust the top of the dough with about a tablespoon of flour. Smash it down with your hands (like this cute cat is doing), then fold it over on itself. Do that just a few more times. Don't do it too much. It should only be like a minute or two's worth of work.

Roll the dough out until it's about 1/2 to 1 inch thick. Use a cookie cutter or something round to cut out the raw biscuits. Continue to reform and cut the dough until you've used it all. Put the raw biscuits on a baking sheet somewhat close together and put them in the oven. Bake them for 15 minutes or until they're golden brown. They're biscuits, you know what they're supposed to look like.

"Hey, uh, Red Cup guy, what do I do with these things?"

You're clearly from somewhere north of the Ohio River and found this page on accident. Just eat them for breakfast with some blueberry jelly - that's my favorite application for them at least. You can make them bigger and use them as a vessel for breakfast sandwiches (bacon and cheese, anyone?) or you can serve them open face with some white gravy over the top of them.

Or, if you're a minimalist, you can just eat them with a little butter. You'll enjoy them all the same, I promise.

*Look, I realize that biscuits out of a can taste good. They have that soft, spongy texture and taste like straight up salted butter. But we're all about authenticity here at Red Cup Rebellion, so that's how we keeps it.