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Ole Miss Prepares for the Mayan Apocalypse

Tomorrow marks the end of the world (maybe) according to some ancient calendar. Is this an excuse for hysteria and rabble-rousing? In Oxford, Mississippi? You betcha.


When the fireballs start raining from the sky and the Earth opens up releasing long-dormant Mesoamerican gods hellbent on their destruction of the known universe, you'll know what's up. And you'll be super sorry ou didn't prepare, celebrate, or react as the following folks will.

Ole Miss football fans: Getting pretty bummed that they won't get to see the Rebs in the BBVA Compass Bowl.

Pitt football fans: Pretty damn excited that they won't have to go to the BBVA Compass Bowl, again.

Your's Truly: "Yes! I don't have to buy Christmas presents!"

Juco: "I really wanted Christmas presents :("

UPD and OPD: Still collecting a shitload of parking fines. "End of the world be damned, we've got, um, salaries to pay and stuff."

The Library: Still charging an exorbitant cover for an end of the world party.

Patrons of the Library: Still paying said exorbitant cover right before bitching about the price of the exorbitant cover.

Houston Nutt: "Need a lotta water. Can't swim in a sinking ship without a lake of water. Got to learn to fly. Life on Mars. Old McFluster knew how to fly boy! Wooo! Ain't nothing like the end of the world. Brings you together with the Mayan mamas! This is gonna be a two-chinstrap apocalypse."

Minister Stricklin: "End of world is but myth and illusion propogated by Capitalists of Northland. Reign of Commissar Mullen will not end. Much discussion-making has been made of Mayan predilictions, but allowance me to assurance all loyal Bookfarmers, People's University will continuance domination-making of Our State far into future. Tamp down fear, Comrades and let cowbells ring, let all Capitalists know that Comrades of Our State will not fade from Earth such as this one!" [HT: you know who]

Ross Bjork: "I'm still gonna tear that damn Tad Pad down. I'll do it by myself if I have to."

Robert Nkemdiche: Still probably not going to commit any time soon.

Brishen Mathews: "There's still blank skin on my body, so clearly the end of the world isn't imminent. At least I hope as much, because y'all need to see this bitchin' design I've got ready to go for my back. It's gonna say 'Bri$h€n!,' you know, like money."

Chicken-on-a-Stick: Finally feeling justified for their rapidly dwindling chicken supply and ornery customer service. "Hey, fuck it, it's the end of the world, right?"

Andy Kennedy: "Why in the hell do you think we're flying to Hawai'i?"

Randy Kennedy: "Oh, you know, running the Red Cross and Doctors Without Borders. You know we're not ones to believe in this whole 'end of the world deal,' but there's nothing wrong with being prepared just in case! Have a blessed day and a Merry Christmas, y'all!"

(Oh Randy! Merry Christmas to you too!)

[By the way, if you actually believe that the Earth is going to end tomorrow because of a misinterpretation of an ancient calendar devised by a population of people who were mostly illiterate and didn't even invent the wheel, well then you'd probably fit in elsewhere.]