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The Colonel Reb PAC Doesn't Care About Ole Miss

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I waited until today to post this because I did not want to draw any more attention to the Colonel Reb PAC and all of their misguided, bitter, myopic nonsense, but roughly a week ago I learned something that, even upon considering the people involved, dropped my jaw to the floor.

As you all surely know by now, the PAC is attempting to collect 100,000 signatures from registered Mississippi voters - 20,000 in each of the five former congressional districts per law - in order to place on the 2011 ballot an initiative proposing amendments to the constitution of the state of Mississippi which would, de jure, force Ole Miss to re-adopt Colonel Reb as its mascot among other sillier, unproductive things. They most assuredly will not succeed in this endeavor, but they're giving it a hell of a shot - traversing the Magnolia State to conjure up grassroots support for their fledgling movement and, hopefully, get those dadgummed signatures they need for this to go forward.

That alone, sounds more-or-less like what you'd expect out of this group. What you'll see after the jump, though, is truly astonishing, and speaks volumes about the motives, attitudes, and downright desperation of the Colonel Reb PAC.

Last night, in order to collect signatures for the ballot initiative, the Colonel Reb PAC was in Starkville soliciting the signatures of, you got it, Mississippi State and LSU fans. [ED: I only put that link there for the skeptics amongst you. I would discourage anyone from visiting their website, unless you really care to learn that they were, in fact, endorsed by "Miss Catfish 2011" or some damn shit.]

They were AT the Mississippi State vs. LSU game, but not because they cared for the SEC football; they wanted signatures, and they were obviously willing to get them from anyone who is functionally literate. If there is anything one should glean from this right away, it's that the Colonel RebPAC really doesn't give two shits about Ole Miss. They don't care about the university, its students, its alumni, its professors, or really its athletics teams. Sure, they will tell you that they do, and I'm sure that they've convinced themselves of the same, but this ploy speaks of a movement which is largely borne out of a "damn the man" attitude and a wanton desire to resuscitate certain ideals held regarding both Ole Miss and the Deep South in general.

This isn't about the Lyceum or Johnny Vaught or Brooks Brothers button ups; this is about terdishun and hairtige, by golly. It's lipstickin' a pig. It's some bizarre use of the democratic process to circumvent the actions of administrators who just wouldn't hush their flappin' labrul jaws for one cotton-pickin' minute to listen to us and what we want, dag nubbit.

If there is something positive to take from this, it's that their caravanning out to Oktibbeha County reeks - like a rotting catfish carcass stuffed with horseshit - of desperation. Unless they've wholly convinced themselves that their cause is noble enough to transcend the rivalries of the Southeastern Conference (and who knows, maybe they have convinced themselves of such), they're doing it because they know the audience to which they're pandering. They know that a sizeable portion of State and LSU fans would love nothing more than for Ole Miss to become what these dolts want it to, because they know that all of the progress the university has made in fundraising, faculty hiring, student recruitment, expansion, and other areas vital to the university livelihood would slow down significantly.

And then there are the sizeable "Southern by the grace of GAWD" factions of their fan bases who, alarmingly, feel some sort of new solidarity with Ole Miss in waging the bold, brave war to, you know, end political correctness and lower our taxes and stuff. Right? Regardless, these people exist (they're the ones who called us Rebels a bunch of "sellouts" for making the changes we've made), and they'd love to sign that petition and BRANG BACK DA KERNEL just as much as the rest of the Colonel Reb PAC.

Regardless, the whole thing is one gigantic cluster of stupid, battered in "are you shittin' me?" and deep fried until golden brown. If you fail to see this, then I don't know what else I can say to you.

My stance on this move is simple: If I want advice on cooking a roux-based stew or getting my three wheeler out of a ditch, I'll solicit the opinions of LSU and Mississippi State fans, respectively. When it comes to the public image and perception of my alma mater, they can kiss my ass. That's the attitude any good Rebel should have, regardless of their mascot preferences.