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Preseason Blogpollin'

Chief Editor and Master of the Universe Ghost of Jay Cutler gave me the thumbs up to administer The Cup's ballot in the Blogpoll.  What is the Blogpoll?  Jim Bankoff is glad you asked:

The SB Nation BlogPoll Top 25 is a transparent, authentic weekly college football poll. More than 100 of the most knowledgeable college football bloggers representing fans from virtually every rooting interest align weekly to rank the Top 25 college football teams. Every ballot is available for review.

We bloggers also have the snotty, straight-from-our-parents-basement way of doing a thing we call "Resume Ranking," which makes no sense in the preseason when no games have been played.  Presumably, we try to avoid 2004-flavored poll stasis and constantly reassess every team based on their performance on the field.  That is all to say that this ballot is likely to make even less sense now than it will make after we've played a few games.  And that's saying something.  To illustrate how dumb this is going to look in 14 weeks, we've scoured the Internetz (Hail!  HAIL THE INTERNET!) for the most Sprival'd unofficial nicknames of the Best Most Remembered Teams of 2011 from 2010!


Interesting commentary after the jump!

We went with Alabama as the top team because of their speed and their Nick Saban and their won a lot of games recently.  Oklahoma comes in just behind the Tide at Number 2 because of their questions at quarterback (more precisely, will he or won't he have his legendary lip warmer).  Boise State is a great team that BACK AWAY FROM THE BCS TITLE GAME, MR. PETERSON OR I'LL BE FORCED TO TASE YOU.  Rounding out the Top 5 are Oregon and Ohio State.  Why the I-dotters?  If you can't find the humanitarian spirit to do something to life the spirits of Oakland-bound Tyrelle Pryor, then I guess we've totally left the human element of college athletics behind.

Wisconsin and LSU are sitting together at #6 and #7 because we are still fantasizing about putting these fan-bases together, preferably in a large, padded, plastic-covered room because it will get violent and nasty.  Virginia Tech looks comfortable at #8, any higher and they're extremely likely to piss the bed before September is over.  Nebraska looks to extend their streak of dominance over the Big XII North, and the only thing funnier than that is the fact that not even Stephen Hawking can figure out who belongs in what division in the Big Ten or ACC.  Rounding out the Top 10 is Stanford, and we won't demote those nerds as long as they keep winning the Greek Games.

Florida State.  #11.  Yup, there they are.  Arkansas gets the nod at #12 because, instead of giving everyone the "I told you so" bit about Bobby Petrino, they're doing what they do best - just spreading the love amongst each other in an insular, indiscriminate way.  TCU is #13 and, jokes aside, when was the last time that neither of the Top 2 teams from the previous year were ranked in the subsequent preseason poll?  It's a question I can't answer because no one gives a crap about preseason rankings after September 4th.  I have Texas A & M at #14 out of peer pressure, but I actually think Oklahoma State has some real potential.  What with the Big XII being too poor to keep up the extremely lucrative conference championship, the league title might be decided at Bedlam.

At #16 the Sportgenitals.  Get it?  West Virginia is your obligatory pick for the "someone in the Big East has to be decent" slot.  Plus, there's the defending national champion, Auburn, who will be led by Barrett Trotter, the quarterback that Coach Gene Chizik said had "pocket presence" and was the most quick to "frat me a bronson."  Meanwhile, if Texas thinks they're going to make the Top 10 just because they have a t.v. station, they need to load up in their cattle trailer, drive to Oxford, and turn it to Channel 99!  Another team from Texas is Houston, who comes in behind Texas because they don't have four quarterbacks.  But they do have one, and he throws touchdowns frequently (we've been told that he's been doing so at Houston since leaving his job as Nixon's Defense Secretary).

Arizona State checks in at #20.  Is this roughly where Miami began last year?  I see those programs following similar paths.  Florida is our preseason #21 team, one spot ahead of Georgia because at least one Georgia fan will use even this ballot as evidence that Mark Richt needs to be fired yesterday.  Michigan squeaks its way into our preseason Top 25 because it gives us an opportunity to express again that Desmond Howard is a stand-out among the Worldwide Leader's most egregiously inept, embarrassingly homeristic sports broadcasters.  You know you've chosen the wrong profession when the two old farts with (diagnosed or otherwise) central nervous problems provide more entertaining and insightful commentary than you.  If Desmond Howard had attended Dixie State, he would have ranked the Dixie State Rebels in the Top 25 and meant it, instead of doing as we did, and just joking around, looking for a reason, any reason to say . . .

Go Rebels!