Spring football is upon us, and with that comes inflated expectations and poor evaluations of Rebel football talent! Oh the joys of March and April in Oxfordtown! Yesterday, the Oxford Eagle released the "Pre-Spring" football depth chart which reveals hardly anything regarding newcomers and questionable positions, but it's football, y'all, so it's exciting enough. The season's first practice, a light, no-contact session without pads, seemed fruitful enough and provided the various entities which professionally cover (see: not us!) Ole Miss Rebel football a bevy of important notes, quotes, tidbits and nuggets, a handful of which we have shamelessly lifted off of these folks' Twitter feeds(take THAT, Parrish Alford).
Here they are:
- Z. Mason is weighing leaving the team to either pursue a basketball career or destroy planet Earth in spite of the valliant efforts of the Power Rangers. He's divided on the matter, but leaning towards leaving.
- Julian Whitehead, a backup defensive back, has left the team claiming that he "just had to do what was best for [him]" which, obviously, has nothing to do with sitting behind Marcus Temple in a depth chart.
- David Lee had a lot of good things to say about Randall Mackey. He thought Mackey "threw well several times and I thought he was the most impressive of the quarterbacks here this afternoon." He also was reported to have had no problems in the huddle, but had visible problems a few hours later at Huddle House, finding a loss for words in the colon-wrecking food, stench, and clientele of the infamous Oxonian establishment.
- Terrell Brown clogged three toilets in the IPF in one sitting. He wasn't at all remorseful about it, calling it a "pretty typical afternoon."
- David Brant was keeping tally of the performance of the Rebel quarterbacks and had Mackey at 4-for-6, Brunetti at 4-for-6, Stoudt at 4-for-5, Evan Ingram at 0-for-2, and Nathan Stanley at 1-for-7. You have license from the Cup to assume that either the sky is falling or that Randall Mackey will absolutely start for Ole Miss at quarterback and destroy ass on the field of Vaught-Hemingway. It's your choice.
- Of course Evan Ingram was practicing after his recent arrest for attempting to shoplift a pair of swimming trunks. We're Ole Miss; we don't give a damn.
- We are still awaiting Barry Brunetti's waiver request from the NCAA. We're also waiting on...
- Kentrell Lockett's 6th year of eligibility due to a medical hardship. He's still on crutches (not a good sign), but people feel optimistic about his return. The coaches told Veazey that they "should be hearing something soon" regarding Lockett which, as you know, means that we're likely to get dicked out of this.
- To confirm my suspicions, I contacted the NCAA (maybe I did, maybe I didn't, big whoop, wanna fight about it?) to see if we had made progress on this. They informed me that we were going to have to take one of the three: Lockett, Brunetti, or Murphy Holloway because they were, quite emphatically, "sick of our stupid transfer bullshit we always make [them] put up with."
- Coaches say that "Jeff Scott and Brandon Bolden looked like ... they’ve gotten faster." If Jeff Scott gets any faster, we're going to experience some real instability in the fabric of spacetime. Stephen Hawking will be observing the next few Ole Miss practices, as a result. If a wormhole opens up on Manning way and shreds every last one of us into molecular dust under the immense weight of inconquerable gravity, don't say you weren't warned.
- Our defensive backs are still underachievers.
[None of us are actually in Oxford anymore. Yes, it's sad. If any of y'all would like to report on the goings on of Rebel practices this Spring in the form of a Fanpost - and you do a good job at it - we'll frontpage it and buy you drinks next time one of us is around. We're serious.]