LSU's Chancellor has proposed the construction of an on-campus brewery.
Remember, this is the campus on which lives a live tiger. This is the campus on which acts of booze-fueled stupidity become minor spectator sports. This is the campus on which Ryan Perriloux was himself for a couple of years.
And now they want to brew their own beer. They want to actually build a structure which will house kettles and tubes and whatever other gizmos are needed to turn the starches and sugars of grains and other plants into bubbly sin-water. And they want to do this for their students. The Purple and Gold Lager, Deep Fried Hefeweizen, Maravich Märzen, The Les Miles 59-minute-and-54-second IPA--these could all become realities. And, you know what, coming from a state which knows food and drink unlike any other, they'll likely be pretty damn good beers.
And we'll hate them for it.
Why so? Well, principally, we hate LSU somewhat arbitrarily and because it's kinda fun. But also, because we'll be jealous if this were to happen. We'll be player hating. Don't deny it; you know it's the truth.
The reason we'll be most upset is because we'll all know that nothing like this could ever happen at Ole Miss. Ever. If the Colonel Reb situation of which we mistakenly told you we would not again speak is any indicator, the students and alumni of our university display an oftentimes irrational and unnecessarily fervent intertia towards, well, everything. Even if we convinced the Brian Fergusons and Clarion-Ledger commenters of the world that the beer was brewed with the tears of a defeated Confederate general, they'd still want nothing to do with it.
Call it protestant guilt, or evangel encroachment, or denail of the fact that, yes, MaryLou, your children do drink and smoke and engage in other grown-up activities. Whatever it is, it's keeping Ole Miss from doing generally badass stuff and this bloggeur doesn't so much appreciate it.
Ugh.
/bizarrediscombobulatedmidddayrant
Geaux to Hell, LSU.