Oh, ClarionLedger.com, thank you for allowing me to fall in love with the Internet simultaneously with my personal development into an angry misanthrope. As regular readers of this blog can verify, I love and hate comments threads on "Mississippi's #1 Website." Essentially, any asshole with enough cognizance to operate a web browser can leave whatever illogical, racist comments they damn well please under really any article the site offers. Reading them causes those of us with any semblance of sense or humanity to laugh--just to keep from weeping.
This week, a simple AP article detailing the student body's proposal to vote on a brand new Ole Miss mascot was run. As a result, 50+ pages of comments were left. I'm not kidding here. 50-something pages of this stuff exists on the internet for all to see and mock. Below are selected comments (which I gathered after a light skimming, many gems of dipshittery remain and of this I am very certain) and my resulting snark. You're all welcome.
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User pastorbobby writes:
I have to say this is ridiculous. I am a die hard MSU Bulldog, but it's almost like brothers. They fight with each other and really can't stand one another, UNTIL someone messes with them, and this "mess" has been going to long. It's an "Obama nation".
Colonel Reb was first removed from the sidelines in 2003, long before any of us knew who Barack Obama was. This is one post out of about two- or three-dozen which unnecessarily and annoyingly try to turn this into some sort of Tea Party bullshit. It's a debate as to what we should use as a replacement for a foam-headed old guy with a floppy hat, not a forum for you to contribute poorly written puns on the word "abomination."
User solutions1 writes:
I am a State fan and I completely support Col. Reb!!! I am so dang sick and tired of everything turning into a race issue!
This is just the first comment out of dozens such as this that I've stumbled across. I find it a bit amusing that the very fan bases which use Ole Miss' history and imagery to deride the school, students, fans, and sports teams are the same groups of people who, in large numbers, tell us that we shouldn't remove these things.
Tell me, solutions1, is it because you are just as enamored with imagery of the Old South, or is it because you like your insults against us to be prepackaged and convenient?
User jacktowner, in response to a proposal that our Rebel teams be represented by a mule mascot, writes:
And Ole Miss is full of jackasses. I like it!
Actually, a jackass is a term for a male donkey. A mule, on the other hand, is the offspring of a male donkey and a female horse. I would make a "Mississippi State is an agricultural school" joke here, but you, sir, have clearly demonstrated that the closest you got to attending classes in Starkville was that time you got lost on the way to Scooba.
User NOPD1024, in response to a State troll, writes:
First off nobody asked you. I have read your post and your arguement is mute because all you do is spew hate towards OLE MISS. None of the post I have read from you has ever been objective. Why don't you climb one of those mountians in CO and jump off of it.
First off, I didn't realize the Clarion-Ledger's website issued invitations for comments. I have read your post and your "argument" is misspelled. It is topical, so hardly "moot," but being a mere collection of words on a website (and, really, a series of binary data sets in a processor somewhere) it is "mute"-it cannot speak. None of the posts from you that I have read have ever been written with proper pluralization, conjugation, or spelling. I would not suggest you engage in the act of hiking or climbing because your diabetes and limited brain capacity likely make turning on a damned coffee maker difficult, let alone walking outdoors.
UserUlyssesEverettMcGill (cool username, I'll admit) writes:
I HATE THE PC CROWD AS MUCH AS I HATE PETA.
Ah, a Mac user who stores his barbecue recipes on his iPod. Neat.
User 1Caringlady writes:
TAX PAYERS SUPPORT UNIVERSITIES..WE, CITIZENS, SHOULD HAVE A SAY IN THE VOTE. NOT THE CURRENT STUDENTS.
Actually, only something like 15% of the Ole Miss budget comes from state funding so, really, if the taxpayers were to have some sort of influence, it'd be minimal. Furthermore, how in the hell can someone suggest that the current students of a university not have a voice in a (rather trivial) issue involving the university's sports traditions and, eventually, national perception? Furthermore, I know a majority of them aren't, but plenty of current Ole Miss students are likely state taxpayers. How does that reconcile with your ass-backwards views on higher education and society at large?
User krazygirl writes:
THE UNIVERSITY OF MS WILL ALWAYS BE MY BELOVED OLE MISS REBELS!!!!! NOW STICK THAT UP YOU POLITICALLY CORRECT ASSESS.
In response, user msrazorback writes:
AWESOME POST!!!! I am not even an OLE MISS fan, but that was awesome!!! I have been wanting for someone to say that for a long time. These dang pathetic Liberal idiots are doing everything they can to Drive the country straight in the ground! Stopping prayers in schools, worrying about offending a gay person, worrying about offending a muslim, worrying about what a mascot is named, because it may offend someone!! I am with you, shove it up their liberal butts!!!
DID YOU KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO DISCERN HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE ABOUT AN ISSUE IF YOU DISCUSS THIS ISSUE IN THE COMMENTS THREAD OF A NEWSPAPER'S WEBSITE WHILE USING ALL CAPS AND PUNCTUATING NEARLY EXCLUSIVELY WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!! This all-star at the semi-annual dipshit games has about ten posts or so and all of them accost "these liberals" and their merciless disregard for everything she supposedly holds dear--things like praying in school and mocking people who practice Islam. Msrazorback, you and all of the other Razorbacks, Bulldogs, and Crimson Tiders who feel a need to chime in here and say stupid shit generally reserved for the dumb sector of our fan base need to do us all a favor and
This ain't your business with which to mess, silly bitch. And, for someone who seems to have little regard for homosexuals or homosexuality, your strongly wanton desire to engage in acts of sodomy comes off as a bit hypocritical.
User dilloman wrote:
The Jackson State tiger offends me.....it reminds me of the Black Panthers.
Once again, the Clarion-Ledger comments threads prove a direct correlation between being bigoted and being dumber than shit.
Please, if you've got the patience and stomach for such idiocy, submit your own Clarion Ledger idiots from the linked article and snark it up. We'd appreciate it.