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Ole Miss Administration Continues to Stifle Students, Employ Fascism

Just when it seemed like Chancellor Jones and that Penny Pinchin' sidekick of him had gone far enough, had satiated their appetites with our freedoms, they whip around and issue this! Just look. I can't bear myself to do it once more. Take it in, liberty lover, and see their oppressive guidelines for Saturday's potential costume wearers:

Ole Miss encourages a family-friendly environment where both adults and children can dress up for Halloween and cheer on the Rebels. In order to maintain a safe and secure event, we ask that fans refrain from costumes that may be considered degrading in any way and refrain from wearing any items that portrays other fans in a stereotyped way.  

All costumes must not impair another fan’s view or enjoyment of the game and clothing must fit within the boundary of an individual’s ticketed seat location (width of seat). No storage of costumes will be permitted. All costumes and props must comply with NCAA and Vaught-Hemingway security regulations and procedures. Additionally, toy guns or weapons, costumes with wiring or electrical requirements, live creatures, alcohol and other liquids, or nudity will not be permitted.

Masks or any other head gear that covers facial features (eyes, nose, lips, etc.) are not permitted. Guests are prohibited from concealing their facial identity.  Vaught-Hemingway staff reserves the right to refuse admission to any person whose costume does not comply with these guidelines or poses a danger to other fans.

No portraying of other fans "in a stereotyped way?" No impairment of another fan's view of the game?! No covering of my LIPS?! Dr. Dan, you've gone too far! Under these unreasonable, rights stifling guidelines, none of us will be allowed to dress as the following:

  • Jerrell Powe
  • A viking with a real axe
  • A viking with a fake axe
  • Green man
  • A shepherd (the staff and sheep are banned!)
  • My shit-for-brains Mississippi State friends (no stereotyping?! But we're Ole Miss!)
  • Charlie Sheen
  • A real, working Christmas tree. HO HO HO DAN JONES YOU MONGREL!
  • A real, working keg.

There go all of our costumes that we hold dear! Now what are we supposed to dress up as? Something boring and PC like a bear handling zookeeper. I want my Ole Miss back!

*Notice, though, that "provocative attire" or anything of that sort neglected a mention. So girls, going as a slutty angel/devil/nurse/Chilean miner/nun/et cetera seems entirely kosher. At least we've got that trudishun goin for us.