clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Alabama State Preview (sort of)

New, 1 comment

You know you should beat your upcoming opponent when you type their name into Google and the first two links have nothing to do with them. That is what happens when you type in "Alabama State University Athletics" into Google. See for yourself.

It gets better from there. The actual link to their athletic site merely takes you to a page that informs you that the official bamastatesports.com will be coming soon.

After some further googling I finally found some information on the Alabama State Hornets. Rosa Parks attended Alabama State, as well as NFL superstar Tavaris Jackson (that’s a joke, guys). Also, their dance team is called the stingettes, and they also have a group called the Honeybees, who perform with the band and are described as a group of plus sized dancers. You can catch the Honeybees in action at this link provided to you by YouTube.

One more thing to add courtesy of JUCO, who is sitting next to me making fun of the HoneyBees rather than studying for his Law School exams, is another one of their notable alumni is London "Deelishis" Charles, winner of the hit reality show Flavor of Love 2. "Deelishis" was described as having "an ass that won’t quit."

From a basketball standpoint, the Hornets are 1-5 on the season, but they haven’t lost to anyone embarrassing, and given our recent play and the fact that there will be no one at the game tomorrow I am not going to look past them.

Leading the way for the Hornets is a veteran backcourt with seniors Brandon Brooks and Andrew Hayles. Other than no one jumps out at you from a statistical standpoint, but when you take a closer look at their names you do not leave disappointed.

Their starting center is averaging 6.8 points per game a 3.2 rebounds per contest, nothing special right? That is correct until you get a look at the guy’s name. Chief KickingStallionsims. I really do not know what to say about that name. I can’t even come up with some lame joke to describe him. This is the best name in sports since the Mapp brothers (Majestic and Scientific), God Shamgod, and Yourhighness Morgan.

The name’s don’t end there. They also have a player that goes name Ivory White who JUCO astutely observed is "probably black."

Now that you know the essentials about Alabama State how about those Rebels?

We’re no good.

Our post game is absolutely pathetic. No one can rebound. It’s fucking terrible.

We all knew DeAundre Cranston had problems jumping and rebounding, but we at the Cup severely underestimated Cranston’s thuggery. I guess the fact that he lives around the three-point line detracts from his gangstatude, but that punch he threw during the New Mexico game puts him up there with legends like Terrence Watson.

I don’t really feel like going indepth on the team’s problems in this post, mainly because you all know them and there’s nothing worth talking about other than David Huertas being ridiculously hot from the field.

Anyways, listen to Yellum Kellum tomorrow as we take on Alabama State.