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Arkansas Straw Men - Part 2

Part two in my overly verbose series of dismantled Arkansas arguments begiiinnnssss....


Arkansas Straw Man Number 2: "Houston Nutt is a despicable person for not putting his full effort into recruiting last season."

Here's an article in the Kansas City star which discusses the recruitment of QB Kale Pick. Pick was once committed to Arkansas, but decommitted after Coach Nutt told him that he and his staff did not have plans on coaching for Arkansas after last season.

Here are the crazies. A great deal of them are pretty gal-durned pissed off at Nutt over this. Some even cry "sabotage!"

Let's take a good look at this situation. To do this, I would like to put together an analogy and then utilize said analogy in an allegory.

Think of Houston Nutt as any old employee at any old firm, business, whatever. He's just a guy who sits in his cubicle all day long working on Excel spreadsheets and (hopefully) visiting The Red Solo Cup every half hour or so. Now, think of his supervisor as being the collective Arkansas Razorback fan base. I'd say that most could agree with this analogy because, in the end, the fans have the most control over a coach's job security. The fans buy the tickets, donate money to the athletic fund, and cover their whiny little kids in tacky gear from head to toe. They are the lifeblood of any sports program with SEC football being the premier example of this.

Now, imagine this allegorical employee is you. I would like for you to mentally put yourself in this situation. You walk into work one morning, slump down into you seat, and, before you can even pour your first cup of coffee, your supervisor storms angrily into the room and bursts into your cubicle.

"YOU!" Screams your supervisor. "You are the WORST God Damned thing about this place! FUCK YOU!"


"You fucking heard me! You're the reason this place isn't where my unreasonable expectations would want it to be and I'm going to fucking can your shitty ass as soon as I get the chance!"

He then heads towards his office, but not before stopping at the receptionists desk and hanging a large "COPIERS AND FAX MACHINES DESERVE BETTER-FIRE [insert name]" banner from the ceiling. Never mind your successful quarterly evaluations and the great work you did with that color-copier (Wait, let me guess. "That color-copier was made in Little Rock! It was going to end up in this office regardless!" Right?) because you're done at this place.

You turn around, hang your head in confusion, and begin to contemplate your situation.

Your BlackBerry vibrates. It's a new e-mail detailing a FOIA request for your phone records. "Motherfucker, I've gotta get a new job," you mutter.

Honestly imagine what you would do under these circumstances. Imagine that this same supervisor then expected you to do your job above and beyond your traditional duties. Imagine that he, after being a Goddamn dick, would have the audacity to ask you to enthusiastically bring some new employees in to the organization.

I posit that, under these circumstances, most of us would be looking hard for a new job and, on our way out, we'd likely piss in the break room fridge and/or drop a whoppin' deuce in a filing cabinet.

Why is Houston Nutt somehow different than any of us?

Why, in the eyes of many of us, are coaches elevated to some sort of superhuman moral and ethical plane? Remember, Arkansas fans, you were the ones who gave Nutt hell for supposedly lying to Mitch Mustain and his posse of pussies. Now, you're giving him hell for telling a recruit the truth.... Think about that one.

Some of you do get this. I will recognize that. However a whole lot of you are still caught in that long lasting, Arkansas moonshine-induced high of Razorback fandom.

Marinate, ruminate, and anticipate Arkansas Straw Man 3.