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Rebel Roundup

Less than nine hours remain until SEC Football begins, and who better to start the season than the Old Ball Coach ("Yes, Lord Vader, Your Excellency has plenteous time for eighteen holes before we rev up the Death Star"). Here's the report from beyond the Outer Rim.

There is yet time! Somewhere just under 5000 tickets remain for the Ole Miss' season-opener against Memphis State, according to UM Ticket Dude Sans Russell. After two false messeanic starts in the Spurlock/Lane and Schaeffer eras, it's easy to see how Rebel fans are still a bit skeptical. If Pete wants a sell-out for the Rebels' SEC Opener against Vanderbilt, then he might want to impress upon Mr. Snead the importance of putting on a show this weekend.

But there is no joy in Ruston... Derek Dooley has yet to incite the kind of excitement in Bulldog (see Tech, Louisiana) Nation. Ticket sales for their home opener against Sylvester the Hut and State College are selling like canned gumbo. The game will be broadcast on ESPN2 - the worldwide leader in Bulldog humiliation.

I'm not your whore, Tommy. Tommy West wants to keep the "rivalry" between Ole Miss and Memphis. I'm sure he would. Alternating home games with Ole Miss and Tennessee pay the light bill at Liberty Bowl Stadium, not to mention West's salary. But don't worry, Tom, I'm sure that "Black 'n' Blue" rivalry with Southern Miss is going to take off soon.

An Inconvenient Request. Sports information is letting you know how to tailgate in an environmentally responsible way. One of the ways you can save the environment is by using radios with hand-cranks on them. You can buy environmentally-friendly phonographs at the Ole Miss Bookstore along with your washboards, Dapper Dan Hair Jelly, and two-seater bicycles with giant wheels on the front.

Bonus Prediction. Keep your game scores and such to yourself. I predict only that Sir Arkelon Lord Hall the Planet-Eater will sit out at least one series after getting his world rocked by either Jonathon Cornell or Allen Walker.