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Big-boned Bulldogs

According to an irreputable e-Zine an organization of journalists of the highest quality and integrity, Mississippi State is the third fattest university in America. This comes to no shock to me after having tasted their delicious cheeses (yes, they've got us beat in cheese) and homemade chocolate milk on-tap at the school's cafeteria. Furthermore, this also comes as no shock when observing the girth of one Slyvester Croom.

I know, the logic behind said assessment is fairly flawed when considering the lack of the Universities of Tennessee or Kansas on the aforementioned list, but work with me here. They breed 'em fat out there in Starkville, and God, Allah, Yaweh, or haphazard-forces-of-Darwinism be praised! Somebody's gotta make sure my Mississippi State brand ricotta is extra lumpy.

You know those Bulldogs aren't a bit ashamed of this either. They're probably starting sumo clubs and opening more buffets just so everyone can know that they are the pride and joy of the Morrill Land Grant group of universities.

Mississippi State: As proud of it's collective girth as Wierd Al