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Insider Analysis: Ron Polk Resigns

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After the surprise resignation of Mississippi State University baseball coach Ron Polk on Thursday, many diamond-ball fans in the Magnolia State have wondered why the all-time winning coach in SEC baseball history is hanging up his pantaloons...again. Rumors abound, of course. Some posit that the 'Dogs embarrassing record might be a reason for Polk's decision to return to Munchkinland. Others point to Polk's on-going feud with the NCAA.

But those with first-hand experience know best.

The Cup's Senior SEC Insider Analyst Jackie Sherrill, former MSU head football coach and instructor in bovine husbandry, has the inside scoop:

Red Solo Cup: Coach Sherrill, you are well acquainted with the athletic program in Starkville, why do you think Coach Polk is finally retiring?

Jackie Sherrill: Well, there are a number of reasons, not the least of which is Starkville. I mean, a guy can only go to Mugshots so many times until he just gets tired of the smell there. And, the facilities are nice, but what with the free-grazing cheerleaders and all those retarded tree-houses in the outfield, it's next to impossible to keep the stadium in respectable shape. I don't know how he maintained the success he did without cheating.

RSC: Well said, good sir. Who do you think State will hire to replace Polk?

JS: Tough question. One difficulty State always has when it faces hiring situations like this is the long-standing tradition of employing funny-looking people. And, of course, they don't get much more funny-looking than Sylvester Croom, so finding someone that matches the hillarious physique of the other members of their athletic staff will be hard. I think they will also be looking for someone whose name is conducive to a demeaning catch-phrase. And, I know this guy isn't technically a baseball coach, but I can think of one man I'd love to see back in the SEC in practically any position.

RSC: Interesting. Any insight on what Coach Polk might do in retirement?

JS: Sure. I've talked to Coach Polk. I think his first priority is to spend some quality time with his family. As you might know, he hasn't seen them in 35 years, as they flat-out refused to ever enter the city limits of Starkville. I've also heard that he might rejoin the Lollipop Guild. I'm just just glad that he's getting out when the time is right. Some coaches just don't realize when it's time to go, and they end up running a program into the ground.

RSC: Like you did coach?

JS: Exactly.

RSC: Fantastic! Well, thanks for talking with us, coach. Take care!