Regional Crootin' Analysist
Long time no sea, Crootniks! I'm so happie to announce that I'm back from my unexpected dee tour in Cincinnati, Kentucky, and Tennessee. Some charges are steel bending, but you know what they say: You can't keep John Goodman down! Its been a whale since I sent out any tidbites for all you Crootniks who have the fever...the fever for more crootin'! Without future adieu, here are your tidbites for the moth of August!
Lets get this out of the way up front, folks. I know what certain other boreds and sights have been reporting about certain Ole Miss croots from the last few years. Its not true! Take a look at the fax, and you got to come to the same collusion as me: Ole Miss doesn't cheat.
Fact 1: Ole Miss Is Awesome
Seriously, is this up for debit? I'm a journolist, I'm empartial, and I admit that the Rebels are the bee's skis.
Fact 2: State Fans Are Lyres
You can't beleeve a word that comes from the mouths of Mississippi State fans, ever, for any reasons. They lied about Kailo. They lied about CJ. They lied about no shipping on that Edam I ordered. These are facts, folks. Their liers.
Fact 3: The NCAA Got No Teeth
Look at Oregan. Look at Miami. The NCAA ain't what it used to be. Like the saying goes, you can't teach an cold dog new tracks! Unless its the NCAA. Then, you can teach them that sometimes schools play the game. You got to play the game. They no that. Its not the Rebel's fault that State doesn't play the game.
Fact 4: Freeze Never Cheats
He's an honest man. I asked him how my new haircut looked, and he stared at me for a minite, and said, "Clancey, you look like Farrah Fawcett." And he was write! I like feathers in my hare. Soo me. Point is, Coach could of just said, "Clancey, it don't look at all like you have feathers in your hair." Then, he would of been a lier.
Like Dan Mullen.
Fact 5: Dan Mullen is a Cheater!
Let me lie out the evidence for you. Dan Mullen pays players. Dan Mullen reported Ole Miss to the NCAA. Whitmore do you need to no? The evidence speaks for ourselves. Face closed.
Now, Crootniks, the NCAA is going to be looking at the same facts that I just represented here. And their going to come to the same collusions! When you here me or others people say that theres nothing to sea here, WE MEAN IT! In the land of the slide, the one-eyed man is sling, and write now, Mississippi is the land of the slide. And we're the one-eyed man. State doesn't have any eyes. That's what I'm trying to say. Probably from inbreeding. Because their rednecks who have sexual congressionals with their siblings. That's a little joke for your comedy-minded people. Got to keep it lite around hear!
I have it on good authoraty that Ole Miss is inn on some BIG names. Can't realize detales yet, but their coming!
Alots been made of the so-called "Calloway Crew." Right now, I think its save to say that its just a splatter of time until their all committed to Ole Miss, but let me make it reel clear: these boys are all their own men. They do what they want, and their committing to the schools they want. They just seam to recognize that Ole Miss is objectively the best place to be (sea Fact 1 above).
Finaly, I want to leaf every one with a few words about how to be a united fanbase. We all need to be pulling in the same discretion. Toe the party lime, and don't let yourself stray from what you know is good for Ole Miss. At times like these, when our enemies are more united than ever, we need to all be on the same stage, so lets dig sheep, stand as sun, and we'll come out vectors in the end.
Until next time, Crootniks, keep your ice on the stars!