Hotty Toddie Rebels! - Ethan Miller
[ED: Thanks Clancy! Keep us updated throughout the day, but I do want to interject here for a moment if I could - Cuppers, we're going to have a real deal NSD open thread and signing list that's, you know, factual. Alright, back to you, Clance!]
It'll be signing day in just a few hours Crootniks, so that must mean a new addition of "Crootin' with Clancey" brought to you by me, everyone's favorite fictional and grammaticalogically challenged crootin' analysist: Clancy.
It's been a long year sense last signing day, but hotdiggidy if Hugh Freeze and the boys ain't been busy everyday tween now and then! Its been a long year for Ol' Clancey to. I don't think I'm telling tails out of the lunchbox if I say I've had my shear of stress this year. I no their have been lots of reports about my demize after the big crootin' weekend a while back, but let me tell you all: those reports were misexaggerated! I may have spent a little too much time at the Libary, might or might not have developed heart palpitations whatching our croots dance on stage together (how do you judge that mini guys dancing all at once?!), and I might or might not have got carbon monoxicide poisining from riding back and forth to Oxford in a certain MYSTERY CROOT's trunk last weekend, but the impotent thing is that I'm back on the beet now, ready to give all you Crootniks the latest updates as they happen.
Once the LOIs start coming in tomorrow morning on the Ole Miss Fax Machine, I'll update this thread with some news and notes and up-to-dates and what have you nots, but first, I thought I'd offer some words on the nature of crootin in lite of all the misallegations and such and sundry that floated along last weekend.
If you're a analysist like me, you just had better keep yourself neutral. Certain other writers for certain other cites were throwing out a lot of stuff last weekend, just to see if it would fly. Well, boy did it! Flew right back on their faces like a bunch of ice cream cake at a pity party! Being a crootin' analysist is a lot like meating a bull in a china shop: you don't know how to help him, and he ain't too sure of the pattern he's shopping for! For you Crootniks, it behaves you all to use your best judgement when your looking for the information that makes your blood bubble! Do you're research, and always remember, a bird in the bush is worth a barrell of laughs!
As I aforementioned, I'll update this thread as the day goes by. In the meaningtime, feel free to post questions for your good buddy Clancey in the comments section. I'll answer anything, from predilictions to crootin' analysising. Just don't ask about the MYSTERY CROOT. I cannot answer any questions about him, and its better off if we just pretend he's a ghost in the trees and quite talking about him altogether.
Update (6:30 p.m.): I can confirm that the MYSTERY CROOT has been upgraduated to SECRET CROOT status. Keep your eyes open and your teeth sharp, Crootniks! A rose of any name might smell good, but this one just smells like chocolate cake! Going to be a wild day!
Update (7:05 p.m.): Just ground up half a peckage of Unisome and mixed it in a beer. Nerves were getting to me, so I thought sleep might be a good idea. No wrest for the wary! Going to sleep now. Got every alarm in the house set for 6:20 so I can sea Nkemdiche become a Rebel!
Update (7:32 p.m.): Whoa, good thing I didn't take the whole thing of Unisome! Just read the warning label, and folks with hart conditions aren't supposed to take these. I only ground up eleven tablets in the beer, so I think I'll be okay. Still, its like they say: there are many rivers in a waterfall!
Update (239:1 x.w.): Is my vison supposed to blur like this? I can hear colors.
Update (10:05 p.m.): Bad news - Stomach had to be pumped, neighbors are not openly-minded when it comes to pubic nudity. Good news - I didn't think about NSD for at leastways a hour and an half. Thinking about it again now. I really think the SECRET CROOT is going to be a big surprise to everyone, and you shoud all be excitable about it! But please, this is a delecate situation, so you should not talk about it or think about it or tweet at the SECRET CROOT.
Update (10:10 p.m.): Just exchanged tweets with the SECRET CROOT. Think the pressures getting him down. He wasn't happy about answering my questions. It's underrelatble. Stressful time of the year! I sent a couple more messages telling him not to worry about it, but he hasn't responded. Will keep on trying! Yule no something when I no something!
Update (10:24 p.m.): Just called Gene to talk crootin'. Transcript is below.
Me: Fuck you.
Gene: Who is this?
Me: (pause) Clancey.
Gene: How do I know? Are you time-stamped?
I hung up after that. Weird guy. Not everybodys cut from the right scissors to be a crootin analysist.Update (10:40 p.m.): Nows as much a time as any to admit this. I've really gotten invulved in catfishing. I read a bunch of stuff about it because of that Manny Tay-o guy, so I did some investigational work to find out more information. Turns out, there's a pond down the road from my house, and I've been catfishing out there a couple of times a weak. Not real sure what the big deal with Tay-o was. The fish are good to eat, but I don't really think its much worth national headlines. Still, figured I should come cleasned before signing day. Feel better already without that hanging over me.
Update (8:15 a.m.): Good news - Ole Miss signed Nkemdiche. Thats pretty hug. Bad news - about midnight last nite, I took some trucker pills to offset the Unisome still in my systim. Decided to drive to Grayson so I could surprise you Crootniks. Been driving ever sense. Just checked my watch and relized RN signed a hour and an half ago. Stopped at this Starbucks to update the post and to check on RN's status. Aparently I'm in Cincinati. Think I may of took a wrong term somewheres. That's neither here or hair. Some thoughts on a few of the guys who of signed so far are below.
Robert Nkemdiche: Program changier. Biggest signing in the histroy of organized football.
Devante Kincaide: See my note in the comments RE: Davente's dancing abilty.
Bobby Hill: Don't no why everyone thinks his name is so funny. Is this a Family Guy joke? Don't watch that show, so I wouldn't no.
Finally, I want to menshion Elijah Daniel. Obvisouly he's with Auburn now. I can neither conform or deny the reports that I put out that it was a mutal parking of the ways with the Ole Miss staff.
Enjoy the day Crootniks! Ol' Clancey's going to hit the rode and see if he can make it back to Oxford on a haf tank of gas.
Update (8:37 a.m.): Tunsil's a Rebel, and I just took my shirt off. The barishtas don't look happy. What the hell, Cincinati? You've never seen a happy Rebel afore?
Update (9:01 a.m.): I helped myself to the barishtas tip jar on my way out. Didn't think they noticed at first, but as I was pulling out, they came out yelling at me. Pretty shore I got away cleen. Also, A.J. Jackson signs, providing needed dept to the tight end positin. Big get! It's not about the X's and O's, its about semis and foes. Never understood that expersion, but I'm told it apples today!
Update (9:23 a.m.): Great pickup in Kailo Moore. Cant teach that kind of speed! Wish you could. I could use it write now. Cops in Cincinati are fast!
Update (9:32 a.m.): Not sure why everone keeps asking about a SECRET CROOT. I'm told by sources close to the program there is no SECRET CROOT. Been telling you people all alone not to put stalk in this jibber-jabber.
Update (9:38 a.m.): Can conform that there is indeed a SECRET CROOT. Get excited peeple!
Update (9:52 a.m.): Recap of the last five minites of my life - Tony Conner throws up landshark. I find out that the streets of Cincinati are not friendly to pantless Ole Miss fans.
Update (10:09 a.m.): Heding for the state boarder. Anyone know if Kentucky has an extradishion treety with Ohio? Also, hearing that the SECRET CROOT may or may not announse today. If he doesn't, expect that he won't announse until next signing day, when he'll be a part of the 2014 crootin class.
Update (11:52 a.m.): In Lexington. Just swapped lisence plaits with a car from Georgia in a Wendy's parking lot. Reminds me of CHF swapping Paytone Barbour for Jordain Wilkings! Blugrais Rebels, if you see a 1997 Toyata Camrie with Georgia plates, throw up a landshark, and wish me the beast!
Update (12:06 p.m.): Signing day morning is offiously over. Lot of big names inked their names with pens for Ole Miss. The fax machine was busy as a hedgehog! On the down side, I can now conform that the SECRET CROOT has been downgraduated to MYSTERY CROOT stasis again. Also, I couldn't sea very well through the reareview, but I don't think that I guy I hit was breething. Kentucky Rebels, if you knew him, gondolences!
Update (12:39 p.m.): Felling really bad about Chris Jones going to State. He did what was best for him, but it wood have been nice to add him to the signing day list. Still feel's like somethings off with the world now. Trying not to think about that guy I hit, but it's getting hard to ignorant it with all the blood on the Camrie's hood. Then I think about Laremy Tonsil, and I'm okay again for a few minites. Should probably find a car wash. Anyone reccomend a good one near Treelimb Holler, KY?
Update (1:08 p.m.): Sorry for the spelling erorr in my prevous update. I'm in Treeclimb Holler, not Treelimb Holler. Parently, theirs a big difference acorrding to the locales. I trie to catch my errors, but sometimes they slip threw the cracks! Also, the Camrie's sparklying like its 1997 again!
Update (2:42 p.m.): In Teneesee. I picked up a drifter on the sied of the hiway. We've agreed to switch identaties for a while. He was upfornt about the pending meth charges. I fell kind of bad for not mentioning what happened today, but he'll found out soon, I have a felling. With the signing of David Charamer, the Ole Miss crootin' class is closed off, so I supporse its time for me to sign out. If you need up-to-dates for the next few months, I'll be in Tennesse, driftering around. Just ask for "Horace Twindler." I'm shore they'll no were to find me. Hottie Toddie! Can't wait for NSD 2014!