The Patrick Willises of the World

Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

P-Willie is the best linebacker in the NFL. His latest advertising campaign with Rawlings explores the "Patrick Willises" (i.e. best) of other categories, and has inspired us at the Cup to do the same.

As we all know, former Ole Miss All-American and current San Francisco 49ers All-Pro Patrick Willis is as awesome an endorsement man as he is a linebacker. From killing those motherfuckers with Kenny Powers and K-Swiss, to intimidating middle-age white guys into using Visa to turning battery commercials into Oscar-worthy dramas of perseverance and redemption, P-Willie makes some damn fine advertisements.

But his latest series of hysterical shorts with Rawlings might be the best of them all.

I'll let Patrick himself explain the concept:

Go on, Patrick.

(So Jupiter is comprised almost exclusively of gas and liquids. He's a football player, not an astronomer.)

These are obviously phenomenal, and they got a few of us at the Cup thinking about other Patrick Willises of the world. Here's our list:

  • Christmas, the Patrick Willis of holidays.
  • Charlie Kelly, the Patrick Willis of janitors.
  • Philip Rivers's face, the Patrick Willis of punchable faces.
  • Bourbon, the Patrick Willis of liquor.
  • Nacho cheese, the Patrick Willis of cheese.
  • Keanu Reeves, the Patrick Willis of shitty actors.
  • Laser tag, the Patrick Willis of tag.
  • Big Bad Breakfast, the Patrick Willis of breakfast.
  • Indiana Jones, the Patrick Willis of 20th Century explorers.
  • Brett Favre, the Patrick Willis of indecisive, ruggedly handsome men that play pickup football in jeans.
  • The 0.50 Desert Eagle, the Patrick Willis of handguns.
  • Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, the Patrick Willis of 90s sitcoms.
  • Will Smith, the Patrick Willis of gettin' jiggy wit it.
  • "Hi, I'm on the baseball team," the Patrick Willis of pickups lines in Oxford, Miss.
  • Bagel Bites, the Patrick Willis of microwavable food.
  • Waffle House, the Patrick Willis of drunk food.
  • The handlebar mustache, the Patrick Willis of facial hair.
  • James Trivette, the Patrick Willis of sidekicks.
  • Marshall Henderson, the Patrick Willis of basketball players most likely to be mistaken for Jessie Pinkman.
  • Houseshoes from L.L. Bean, the Patrick Willis of chilly weather attire.
  • One dollar PBR nights, the Patrick Willis of the hipster college bar scene.
  • The Hunger Games, the Patrick Willis of chick flicks parading as action movies.
  • The platypus, the Patrick Willis of the Animal Kingdom. (Because they just don't give a fuck.)
  • Kevin Federline, the Patrick Willis of useless celebrities.
  • Quentin Tarantino, the Patrick Willis of violence for entertainment. (Or is it the other way around?)
  • Kim Jong Un, the Patrick Willis of punk bitches.
  • Brian Cardinal, the Patrick Willis of NBA players that look like your dad.
  • Dr. Dre, the Patrick Willis of procrastinators.
  • Facebook, the Patrick Willis of methods by which you stalk your ex-girlfriends.
  • Pizza Lunchables, the Patrick Willis of middle school lunches.
  • Tsunamis, the Patrick Willis of natural disasters.
  • America, the Patrick Willis of nations.
  • Ron Swanson, the Patrick Willis of Thursday night comedies.
  • Tony Allen, the Patrick Willis of perimeter defense. [Edit: also the Patrick Willis of GRINDING]
  • OxpatchReb, the Patrick Willis of capitalized profanity.
  • Mr. Main, the Patrick Willis of ‘huh?'
More funny shit: Message Board Idiots

Leave your own Patrick Willises of the world in the comments section or tweet them @Jeff_GraySBN with the hashtag #PWillieof. If we like 'em enough we'll bump 'em up into the main list.

[This list was a group effort. Shout out to Ghost, Kennedy's_Fist, Ivory Tower, The Nkemist and One Man To Beat for their contributions. You're all the Patrick Willises of my heart.]

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