Minister Stricklin (via twoyardsandacloudofenricky)

Greetings, Comrade! Is pleasure of mine to providance this guide to picking of teams to supportance in accordance with People’s University wishes. As weekend approaches, remembrance that good Bookfarmers support make only winning squadrons, which enhances flaw-free reputation of People’s University! Allowance me to assure all proud Comrades of Our State, that pickings for week were determine-made by Glorious Commissar Mullen, may his Edam bowl never empty!

Picking of Them Contest 1: University of California Bears of Golden Colorance versus State of Ohio Pecan-like Nuts

State of Ohio Pecan-like Nut Squadron is leadered by Chairman Meyer, formerly of People’s Republic of Florida. As good People’s University Comrades are aware, Chairman Meyer served as early influence-maker and morality shaper for Glorious Commissar Mullen. University of California has mascot in same as School of Northlands. As such, Commissar Mullen makes clear in picking of them for week this that Chairman Meyer’s Squadron will win astounding victory over lowly Bear Squadron.

Picking of Them Contest 2: University of Easternmost Portion of State of Carolina versus [Redacted]

Commissar Mullen assurances all People’s University Partisans that University of Easternmost Portion of State of Carolina has no football squadron match weekend this. Rumors that school from southern portion of Our State fields football team are false. Remember: School of Northlands is frequent in disbursals of false information. People’s University Football Squadron was only winning football squadron in Our State year before this one. Any personage who states otherwise should be consider-made a subversive and threat to Commissar Mullen’s personal being of wellness.

Picking of Them Contest 3: University of Kansas in Ar versus State of Alabama University Water Surge of Red Coloration

At mention of such a contest at this, Commissar Mullen laughed heartily. “Why should any true People’s University Comrade care for contest between two lowly teams of Conference of Southeasternland.” No official pronouncement is being issued for contest, as Commissar Mullen stresses such would be beneath the wondrous nobility of People’s University and could in potential impact knowledge that only People’s University is true and righteous football squadron power in Conference of Southeasternland.

Picking of Them Contest 4: Louisiana University Warhawks of City Monroe versus Tigers of Auburn

After suffering disheartening defeat at hands of superior People’s University Squadron in week last, Tigers of Auburn will show that against competition not so unmatchable as that which they faced in Our State, they are strongly considerabled to be powerful football program. Glorious Commissar Mullen spoke of such a topic as this, stating forth, “Fully expectance that Tigers of Auburn will lose no more football contests until they again face People’s University Squadron season next. Until then, they shall continuance their domination that seems mighty only when not compared to strength of Our Own Football Squadron.”

Picking of Them Contest 5: School of Northlands versus Texas University Horned Cattle

Despite agrarian mascot of Texas University, fellow bookfarmers in western outpost, College Station, have assurance Commissar Mullen that Horned Cattle squadron is filled with capitalists and liars. As such, fitting it seems that a contest should be undertaken between Horned Cattle squadron and School of Northlands. Commissar Mullen, in fatherly fashion, glowing with healthy aura only earned from hard toil in fields of labor, reassurances all faithful Bookfarmers that in meeting of capitalist schools, there can be no winner.

Remembrance Comrades, capitalist spies are eagerly plotting destruction of Our Beloved People’s University. If you notice-make fellow Comrades picking or supporting squadrons other than those approved by Our Glorious Commissar in his ever-expanding wisdom, reportance offenders immediately to Chekist Balis for proper Bookfarmer Re-education Training.

With Undeathing Faith in Glorious Commissar Mullen,

Minister Stricklin

People’s University

Starkingrad