Minister Stricklin Addresses the Media (via twoyardsandacloudofenricky)
Many praises and thanks heap upon fine establishment of People's University Media Assemblagment for ajoining myself on fine Starkingrad day such as this. Apparent it has become to Glorious Commissar Mullen and myself that mountainous questionings have appearanced recently in relationship to People's University Football Squadron. Purpose of conference this is to disbursal informations into your minds so that further understandings can be gathered and collected for citizens of Our State. After statement of brief nature, questionings will be welcomed, as clear-like-glass are Our operationings.
-Status of Squadron member health or unhealth
-Status of injury-relationed dismissalment of Junior Commissar Mirando
-Status of forthcoming injury-relationed dismissalment of Squadron Member Will Redmond
-Status of injury-relationed inquirances of Nationalistic Collegian Athletical Association
-Status of injury-relationed cooperation between Benevolent Commissar Mullen and intrusive-minded NCAA usurpers
-Status of forthcoming injury-relationed sanctionments from NCAA usurpers
-Status of injury-focused bounty placemented on Capitalist Joe Schad
As policy such as this makes apparent, no discussion of these entirely injury-relationed matters may be discussioned at any moments. To addition make, allowance myself to assurance that no informations can emanate from myself in regardings to rumors of major injuries to People's University Olypmic Squadron Members. Neither confirmance nor denial will be issuanced in regards to rumor that Starkingrad Olympians would have surely secured medals of much yellow coloration at recent contests in Capitalist London were they not disabled with debilitationing injuries, opening door for lowly School of North Olympians to theft medals which surely belonged in glorious Starkingrad. Again, neither confirmance nor denial of entirely lacking substantiationed rumors will be issuanced.
Pleased it makes me to respond to questionings so that answers from myself may engorge Our shared emotions of pride in Glorious State.
Brandon Marcello: Minister, can you comment on the status of Will Red-
Chekist Balis will answer-make such a question as that in private fashion, Comrade Marcello. Please to join him in immediance. Many thanksgivings to fine questions from each media member. Assurance citizens in your districts that People's University continuances in highest level of performance making and ethical behaviours on field, in bookfarm fields and orchards, and in all endeavors undertaken on orders of Our Most Glorious Commissar, may the maroon stripes never fade from his sleeves.