FanPost

The New North Face Polo


As many of you may already be aware The North Face has released their new line of light material polo shirts. I was initially not quite sure how to respond. I have owned them in the past and to be honest they were nothing special. Just another way to display my dedication to a particular brand. This year’s version looked too good to be true and my previous experience with “too good to be true” was in fact too good to be true. Needless to say I purchased two of them. Immediately upon wearing them for the first time; I realized that a sacred line was crossed. The new North Face polo has gone beyond simple clothing. This may go down in history as one of the most important creations mankind has given birth to. Several times while walking out the door I turned around because my basic senses convinced me that I was wearing no shirt at all. A simple glance down revealed that the unbelievable awesomeness was still draped upon me. I then began to think of how this could affect the polo shirt market in general. It could now only be defined by two categories: North Face and “other”. Is that a violation of monopoly laws? I do not know. I am but an aging frat guy, not a lawyer. The ability of the light material to keep me comfortable and cool during the upcoming summer months would be apparent to even the simplest of fools. What happened next would not be. The morning was still cool, and wearing my new North Face polo, I was prepared to brave the chilly air in hopes of a warmer afternoon. The following event can only be described as “unnatural.” The light, comfy, and beautiful North Face polo somehow realized that the air was cool and began to keep me warm. How could this be? Then it hit me. The origins of this North Face polo could not be of this world. Roswell. Rowsell, New Mexico. Area 51. What else could it be? The aliens must have been wearing polo-like clothing made of this same material. Is this a hint? Is this the government’s way of slowly letting the general population know that we are in fact…not alone? It must be. Has to be. Buy one. Even if you don’t wear polo shirts. Upon the aliens return, this very well could save your life.


This post is a Red Cup Rebellion FanPost. Please don't sue us.

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