Tim Brando: WELCOME BACK TO THE SEC ON CBS. HERE IN NEW YORK CITY AT THE WORLD FAMOUS CBS HEADQUARTERS THAT ARE ONLY HALF AS NICE AS CHATEAU BRANDO IN SCENIC SHREVEPORT LOUISIANA, I’M JOINED BY ARCHIE MANNING OF OLE MISS FOOTBALL FAME, MISSISSIPPI STATE ATHLETIC DIRECTOR SCOTT STRICKLIN, AND FORMER OLE MISS COACH HOUSTON NUTT TO TALK ALL THINGS EGG BOWL. GENTLEMEN, FIRST QUESTION: THE BCS. GREATEST ATROCITY IN HUMAN HISTORY?
Archie Manning: Well, Tim, I don’t think we should-
Houston Nutt: Atrocity, reciprocity, City College of Chicago, sit down on my daddy’s knee and let me tell you a story, wooooo!
Brando: HOUSTON NUTT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! HAHAHAHA. ONE OF A KIND!
Scott Stricklin: In truthfulness of approachment to Championship Series of Bowl Teams, any venture furthering agenda of capitalist institutions need directly forth to be abolishmented.
Manning: I don’t know that this has anything to do with being a capitalist, but I do think-
Stricklin: Former player of School of Northland is assuranced to supportance any system which relies upon blood of The People to further gears of money for Lawyers and other capitalists not true-born to Our State.
Nutt: State of Mississippi. Boy, I tell you, just the greatest state in the world. Pecan pie, fried chicken, got to love the mama’s living room. Got to win the mama’s living room.
Brando: GREAT DISCUSSION! FLIES IN THE OINTMENT! DABO’LL DO YOU SWINNEY! LOUD NOISES!
Stricklin: Urgent topic for discussion make. Capitalist Manning, comment in forthright manner on reportage that School of Northland partisans murdered in sleep several noble Bookfarmers. Why do your school engage in such violence against Our State?
Manning: That’s ridiculous. No one from Ole Miss has-
Nutt: Know who could commit a murder? Old Jevan Snead. Give that boy a gun. Bang! Shoot the other guy. Also would shoot himself in the foot, but it’s like I always say, you can’t reach a cloud without eating a purple pinecone.
Manning: Tim, I’m not real sure what we’re talking about anymo-
Brando: NEW TOPIC. BOISE STATE! BAMA FANS! FINEBAUM!
Stricklin: Commissar Mullen assurances all comrades that State of Alabama is fictionality creation-made by Capitalists of School of Northland to detraction from Championships held by People’s University Football Squadron. Do not believe lies! Capitalist Manning, blood fuels revolution! Commissar Mullen welcomes all former Capitalists who denouncement their flawed method of life. Join People’s University and become engorged with proudness in agrarian lifestyle!
Manning: Now, I really don’t think-
Nutt: Can’t farm a book. Can’t do it. Tried one time. Old Danny Mullen sold me a bag of book seeds. I planted them out back, watered ‘em every day. Waited like a mule looking for a drink of Fresca. Nothing ever grew. Either that or old Jerry Powe ate ‘em once they came up. He ate my carrots and my lettuce and my onions. Wouldn’t put eating them book trees past him. Wooo! Big boy! Really knocked those heads!
Brando: I’M AFRAID THAT’S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR OUR EGG BOWL PREVIEW. SCOTT STRICKLIN, LAST THOUGHTS?
Stricklin: At ending of football season such as this one, allowance me to implore all denizens of other states to re-examination quality of lives. Conditioned air, vehicles of leathered interior, televisions of more than quarter-meter in size, all physical objects bring emptiness alone. Look upon bookfarmers of Our State. Happiness abounds! Toil in fields is only method for pleasure-making! Join revolution and leave tainted gains in past! The Harvest comes for all!
Manning: I just don’t understand what’s-
Brando: HAHAHA! THAT’S GREAT! HOUSTON, ANY FINAL WORDS?
Nutt: Tree. Pneumonia. Velvet. Cartographer. Edible.
Brando: THANKS, COACH! YOU’LL BE BACK ON THE SIDELINES IN NO TIME! PROBABLY AT AUBURN! YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! AFTER THE BREAK, WE’RE JOINED BY BRUCE FELDMAN, LES MILES, AND A DIABETIC SQUIRREL.