Chad Bumphis Arrested: Two Competing Narratives

Mississippi State wide receiver Chad Bumphis saw his New Year's Eve celebration end with his being arrested in his hometown of Tupelo. He was at a bar of some sort, doing what every other American does on New Year's Eve, and wound up in some sort of an altercation. A few hours and a chipped tooth - likely the result of a flying bottle of champagne - later, Bumphis was out on bail.

The story really is as simple as that. The guy was involved in some sort of scuffle and got a slap on the wrist for such. Whether or not he "started it" or even the reason behind the altercation doesn't really matter at this point, nor do any explicit details of its nature... or do they? Genespage/OMSpirit/Clarion-Ledger.com posters seem to disagree with this assertion, and are confident in their understanding of the situation as well as the character of one Mr. Bumphis.

After the jump are some literary charicatures of what's to be found across the interwebs. Hopefull you'll be able to piece together exactly what it is that took place and why that "fateful" New Year's Eve.

The Bulldog MBI narrative.

Chad Bumphis is a fine young man who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have it on good authority from a trusted source that Chad was at a restaraunt with his youth group and his mom. He wasn't drinking anything except for a little ginger ale and spending time with old friends and an orphin he recently rescued from a flash flood. So anyway, these preppy girly queer TSUN fans were standing at the other end of the building and they were getting really steamed at Chad because of all of his championchip rings and his award winning smile. They were also mad because their CJ John$$$on money didn't work on Chad (because he grinds for his State unlike CJ and those idiots). They did what they all do at TSUN and that's throw glass bottles at him and start cussing and saying things about their money and pink clothes like a bunch of dudes from San Fran if you know what I mean.

They were doing all of this because Chad was having his picture taken with some fans of his and they were just trying to bring him down! Don't want to see someone be successful because thta'ts the TSUN way. One of them threw a full bottle of wisky at Chad and then another and then I'm pretty sure the ninth or tenth guy there pulled out a crowbar. That's what my nephew Jessie told me and he was there, saw everything with his own 2 eyes. ANyway all twelve TSUN fans approached Chad and started beating him and kicking him and cussing at him sayingsomething about their dad's money.

They also started calling him racist names which is a hate crime I think.

The cops came in and arrested Chad. They are obviously bear fan cops in Tupelo. Totally sad. And you know some TSUN lawyer and judge is going to work together to keep Chad out of next year's Egg Bowl for this. Sorry this all had to happen to you Chad.

What's the worst is that he got a cut on his neck and cracked his tooth so you know the TSUN fans were trying to muder him and the TSUN cops just let him suffer in a jail cell when he was in OBVIOUS NEED OF MEDICLA ATTENTION (wouldn't matter tho because the doctors in Tupelo are TSUN doctors every one of them). The POSs that jumped Chad, they all scattered like some scalded dogs because that's what TSUN sissies do because they're LAST in the SEC WEST aGAIN!!! If you know anything about who these idiots were (i thikn one was wearing a pink shirt hahaha) you should call the Lee County SHerriff's office. Ask for my brother Clay, he can help you catch these B@STARDS!

LOL at idiot TSUN fans and please pray for Chad in this difficult time. HAILSTATE /rattle

And its Rebel counterpart:

Bunch of no class thugs they got there in Stinkville!!1 Mom always said nothing good ever happens after Midnight!

Chad Bumphis got arrested at the club last weekend in Tupelo because he was getting sexually explicit with girls there and trying to shoot people. He showed up with those baggy trousers and his hands down his pants and flashing gang signs (BIG SURPRISE!!) and cussing and generally trying to draw attention to himself. After looking all stupid and getting mad at people because they wouldn't buy him drinks and give him things he approached MaryBeth Waller McNeal (her daddy was a Kappa Sig pledge with me, she comes from a great Rebel family!) and told her she had to dance with him! She was polite and handled herself but her boyfriend lost a bit of his cool.

He said "Sir, please leave us alone, we are just trying to enjoy ourselves" but Chad didn't want anything to do with that. He screamed "I'm gonna get my gun and KILL all of y'all" before pointing gun fingers at people and pretending to shoot them! He was listening to that dumbass gangster wrap where all they do is yell and talk about drugs and guns it just makes me sick! Dreadlocks and gold teeth and tattoos!

So he starts kicking things over and fistfighting people! Thankfully the cops where there but it took a dozen of them to restrain Chad! He was out of control because he is on steroids. They slapped him with a misdemeanor though, butnch of Bulldog cops giving one of their own a slap on the wrist!

Why can't Chad Bumpiss be more like HR Greer? That leghumper. Dan Mullethead!

Nobody's got a monopoly on dumb, y'all, especially in our home state.