Men of Gentleness and Ladies, much pleasure it brings me to speak in forthright manner this night. Information of corrupt fashion lately has disseminated to many such as yourselfs from School of North and partnering Capitalist institutions and agencies. Information of this nature is not to be believed! Assurance be had that no defeat of People's University has occurrenced on evening such as this.
Authorized am I to acknowledge-make that reports indicating presence of People's University Basketball team in province of Oxford are accurate to best of knowledge held by me. Team and Junior Commissar Stansbury embark made afternoon last to journey amid enemy territory in effort to spread agrarian ideals to Capitalists. But allowance me to reinvigorate that no contest of basketball skill was conduct-made during journey to province of Oxford.
Reports of contrary nature are yet more lowly attempt-making by School of North Partisans to sway pure minds of People's University potential athletes on eve of greatest victory by Glorious Commissar Mullen in acts of recruitment for coming Championship season 2012. Contest of basketball skill is to be conducted only in open and public-like fashion, but as all are awarenced, no contest made public appearance on Starkingrad Channel 1. If contest did not appearance on such a station as this, then how could it be said to exist! Many falsehoods promulgate in days leading to recruit gathering. Do not allowance such untruths to sway minds from truth of People's University superiorness!
In strongly unrelated matter, it please-makes for me to announcement that Glorious Commissar Mullen will henceforward take position of control in all matters of contest of basketball skill. Junior Commissar Stansbury, in unfortunate fashion, has deemed time as this necessary to reinvigorate feelings of strength to agrarian lifestyle by enjoying pleasurable stay at People's University Education and Training Facility. Very much happy does this decision make Junior Commissar Stansbury, and upon his imminent return, assuranced am I that he will continue tradition of Championship sport contests in fashion set by Glorious Commissar Mullen.
In time of mean, Glorious Commissar Mullen will stridently and with much resolvement lead mighty People's University Basketball Squadron to undefeated season. Constests of basketball skills will be available for viewering on Starkingrad Channel 1 each time they occurrence. Schedule is often of vague nature, so afraid I am that I cannot disbursal actual dates of contest of basketball skill, but be assuranced, Starkingrad Channel 1 will broadcast matches in timely fashion.
Time does not remain for questions in media address such as this, but pleased it would make me for you to find attached art in packets for use in your People's University approved pamphlets and newsletters. Enjoy publishing invigorating picture of Commissar Mullen!
Commisar Mullen and Adoring Young Book Farmer