FanPost

Annoying Media Analysis: What's Their Mojo?

[ED: Thanks Role Player. I love how creative you've gotten with our conference titles. The analysis of the SBNation Conference Re-Draft Project so far is greatly appreciated.]

What would a draft be without some annoying media analysis to stir up unnecessary interest all while being totally off base?  As the SB Nation Conference Re-Draft has recently concluded it's third round, every one is wondering what is behind the picks of the respective conference commissioners.  While some have taken advantage of picking early others have, quite frankly, decided to take on the responsibility of being the Super Bowl where the Browns always go (see: QQRSE). 

With this edition of "What's Their Mojo?" we bring you the latest in the developments of conference names and the drafting strategies of each new conference.  Check it out after the jump...

Lucked Out Conference (LOC)

ROUND 1, PICK 1: Texas Longhorns (Burnt Orange Nation)
ROUND 2, PICK 12: Georgia Bulldogs (Dawg Sports)
ROUND 3, PICK 13: UCLA Bruins (Bruins Nation)

The LOC benefited greatly from having the first pick in the draft taking the consensus #1 pick this year.  There is no doubt that if Texas stops its recent trend of disappointment - yes, they even went 0-2 in the CWS this week - it is the top all around school in the nation.  "All Around Conference" was actually in the running for the conference name, but the commissioner over at BC Interruption was upset that it might give away their drafting strategy.  The commissioner failed to comment when asked whether every conference was attempting to be well-rounded.  Their mojo is luck, but with a questionable third round pick, that luck might have run its courseout. 

Straight Football Conference (SFC) Jigga What? Conference (JW?)

ROUND 1, PICK 2: Florida Gators (Alligator Army)
ROUND 2, PICK 11: Penn St. Nittany Lions (Black Shoe Diaries)
ROUND 3, PICK 14: Virginia Tech Hokies (Gobbler Country)

Aside from its first pick the SFC has dedicated itself to football.  Florida is arguably the most well-rounded championship sports school in the nation, but Penn State and Virginia Tech are football-only folks.  We certainly don't buy the idea that PSU and VT are on the rise in basketball; they have no baseball presence either.  And now that we really get to thinking about it, none of the teams are even the best football teams in their old conferences.  We are baffled that Black Heart Gold Pants might be attempting to go for public academics, leaving our question unanswered.  We don't know their mojo.  ED: Just in, the conference has changed its name to "Jigga What? Conference". 

Make 'Em Bleed Conference (M'B)

ROUND 1, PICK 3: Alabama Crimson Tide (Roll 'Bama Roll)
ROUND 2, PICK 10: Oklahoma Sooners (Crimson And Cream Machine)
ROUND 3, PICK 15: Nebraska Cornhuskers (Corn Nation)

M'B has really shaped an identity for itself.  While it is looking at football schools pretty much exclusively, all of its picks reflect a commitment to the trenches fields of vegetation and farm equipment and the color red.  The commissioner at Team Speed Kills was only able to be reached by phone.  When asked why speed did not seem to play a bigger role in their plans, he responded "$#^ beat the $h!t outta folks #$% jumbalaya" and hung up the phone.  Sources close to the conference headquarters are saying that Ed Orgeron has staged a coup - though that is yet to be confirmed.  Should this be true, change is certainly a comin'.  We expect O to look to another school that has found ways to beat the system and cheat its way into the spot light, Utah Ute-Killers.  Everyone knows not to trust those Mormons, but everyone forgets that BYU is not the only school in that country.  O has their mojo in flux.

WTF, MATE?  CONFERENCE (QQRSE)

ROUND 1, PICK 4: Ohio St. Buckeyes (Along The OlenBANNED)
ROUND 2, PICK 9: Florida St. Seminoles (Tomahawk Nation)
ROUND 3, PICK 16: Louisville Cardinals (Card Chronicle)

The QQRSE is the most questioned conference in this draft.  The commissioner at Big East Coast Bias has only confirmed that the Big East was in fact a joke.  From its first pick to its last, it has picked some of the worst teams from their respective conferences.  QQRSE is a conference looking for mediocrity and sanctions.  What's worse is that they tried to legitimize their selections with an attempt at humor in the naming of their conference.  This conference has no mojo.

SELL OUTS CONFERENCE (SOC)

ROUND 1, PICK 5: USC Trojans (Conquest Chronicles)
ROUND 2, PICK 8: Notre Dame Fighting Irish (Rakes of Mallow)
ROUND 3, PICK 17: Oregon Ducks (Addicted To Quack)

The SOC is a pretty tradition-filled conference.  While some might argue about the third round inclusion of Oregon as a center of tradition, don't forget that they are the only privately-owned public institution in the country.  Oregon has single-handedly changed the make-up of this conference by not only providing ugly a$$ uniforms to complement the color schemes of its respective schools but also by ripping the conference away from the commissioner, House of Sparky, and giving it to Nike.  Nike has said that they will work to keep their brand on top through the continued acquisition of sub-par western schools and vibrant color combos, but also mentioned that any championships won would likely be forfeited.  The new commissioner let leak that they are interested in Arizona State if they are still on the board in the 8th round.  SOC is likely to pick up Boise State amid the latest scandal - and of course, for the blue field.

Total World Domination (TWD)

ROUND 1, PICK 6: LSU Tigers (And The Valley Shook)
ROUND 2, PICK 7: Michigan Wolverines (Maize N Brew)
ROUND 3, PICK 18: North Carolina Tar Heels (Carolina March)

TWD has made no secret of their intentions.  Commissioned by Red Cup Rebellion, tired of the disappointment behind an apathetic athletic department at Ole Miss, TWD has their stuff together.  With TWD embroidered on the chests of all its constituents, the mojo from this conference will permeate to the girls soccer walk-ons, who by the way will be able to beat about 85% of the schools in other conferences.  This is a conference devoted to winning across the board.  Well-rounded?  Yes.  Dominant?  More so.  The commissioner of TWD was easily the most out-spoken and quoted as saying, "I know all of your panties are already in a wad, but don't think their will be a sport untouched.  Lacrosse?  Got it.  Skiiing?  It's in our plans.  Curling?  We're going to create that $sh!t ourselves.  Peace out!" 

What do you think about the conferences as they currently stack up? 

This post is a Red Cup Rebellion FanPost. Please don't sue us.

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