North Korea, Have We Got the Man For You

Kim Jong Dale

Tragedy struck the pathetic, brainwashed masses of the North Korean people late last night as it was announced by the nation's state media that "Dear Leader" Kim Jong Il, a legendary lunatic leader of a personality cult masquerading as a country, had passed away or gone to live in a magical Martian swan kindgom with his father's apparition - or whatever it is that they propagandize happened to the guy.

Reports are emerging that Kim's youngest son, the fat kid from "Up" Kim Jong Ul, has been groomed to take over for his father as North Korea's newest messianical wierdo, but we at the Cup would like to extend a suggestion to the North Korean government and people (because we, being Americans, know what's best for them).

Get Houston Nutt to run your circus. Please. Do it.

You want reasons why? Oh, we've got reason's why.

  • Has proven, at multiple levels and at multiple positions, that he understands how to create and foster a divisive, controversial environment about him. You live on a peninsula divided; we're a part of a fan base divided.
  • Is able to perpetuate a bizarre personality cult of sorts which sees inexplicable loyalty from his former coworkers, players, and fans.
  • Wouldn't at all mind having billboard sized images of himself strewn about your many cities, towns, and villages. In fact, I imagine he'd rather enjoy it.
  • I'm sure he thinks you'd be doing yourself a favor by giving him a shot. Will remind you of all the awesome stuff you had going on fifty years ago.
  • Believes a lot of bullshit about himself.
  • Speaks in a language that's so odd that it might closely resemble Korean.

Do it North Korea. Get your man. Learn how to misspell "fun." See the exciting new heights and tragic, emotionally-draining lows one Houston Dale Nutt can bring you. Think about it and get back to us. We know you'll make the right decision.

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