LSU HATE WEEK, or "A Not-so-modest Proposal"

but wouldn’t it be very WAOM-ish if we were the ones responsible for a SEC-less BCS title game? It won’t happen. I’m just saying…

I hate LSUx football cause of one certain halloween night and a guy named Billy.

I love Ole Miss for the THRASHING given to LSUx in the following Sugar Bowl!

My son and his wife, the wife is a BIG LSU fan, are coming to see us this weekend and will be at the game while my wife and I keep the boys.

I love my son’s wife but I HATE the LSU fanatic! Guess we have a love-hate relationship.

i hate lsu for keeping a damn tiger on the campus.
i hate lsu for being in louisiana.
i hate louisiana too.

i hate when lsu fans come to town, such as 2005 when an lsu kid pissed on one of our tents in the circle. also, later that night, when we tried to drown our misery at the levee (when we actually still liked the levee) and benjy davis was playing. i was trying to exit the building, because i was disgusted with the people there. i almost made it to the door, when i felt my back suddenly get wet.. i turned around to see some lsu girl laying on the floor laughing, with her spilled drink dripping down my back. god i hate lsu
people.

i hate that lsu has ruined the color purple for me. not the play, but the actual color purple. well fuck that play too actually.

i hate lsu because it spawned a new breed of band wagon fans.

i hate one of my best memories at an ole miss game took place at lsu in 2008. just kidding i love that.

i still hate the fact that we lost last year because markeith summers dove in the endzone. WE SHOULDA WON MARKEITH!! i guess that really classifies as Ole Miss hate. and now we have come full circle.

I’ve never had a bad time in Oxford.

maybe we could try to distract them with pictures of fine Baton Rouge cuisine:

of this.

(don’t click on the link unless you want to see Eli trip on a 4th & 10 game-clinching play)

Tyrann Mathieu will not injure people just for breathing in their direction. Unless, of course, they have the ball or are about to get the ball.

Good luck this weekend. Here’s to an exciting game with no injuries.

Ghost’s rally cry for one last go round in the Grove and in Oxford this weekend has got me thinking about going. Gotta craving for a steak sandwich, truffle fries, and a cold Lazy Magnolia from Snackbar now too. Damn yo, I might have to make the trip just for that.

Also, fuck LSU.

My father-in-law likes to tell this story where, “No shit, Vaught had the team punt on third down because they weren’t playing all that well during that series. We all looked around at each other in the stands and could not understand why on earth he would do that. But that’s just Vaught.”

I propose we punt on first down and let’s get Campbell to air it out and go for a record. LSU will never see it coming.

This weekend I’m finally crossing the Grove off my college football bucket list (this year I also marked off watching Schnelly in person among others). From what I heard about the Grove, it was always made out to be a new level of sophistication and assholery(?). But after reading about how bad it was last week, I was pretty upset.

So you red necks better fuckin bring it. I expect this to be an experience, otherwise you’re just Arkansas fans in Wal-Mart ties. Go to Hell Ole Miss, go to Hell.

So that part of your insult was as effective as the maginot line.

I suggest:
-jokes about re-electing Bobby Jindal uncontested.
-jokes about how our the Livingston parish faction of the fanbase loves them some white quarterback but can’t abide a black qb getting snaps, even when it’s obvious the black qb has the better upside and will actually make a throw without bailing out like a little girl.
-jokes about how we’re 10-0 and bitching about how Miles chooses to play said quarterbacks in a blowout win against a decent out of conference foe.
-jokes about the jokes on you since in colour theory, purple and yellow are proven to go together better than other colour combinations.
-jokes about despite our stupidity, we have the best coach in the SEC and his record proves it but some of us still piss & moan and bring up Saban.
-jokes about the northern half of our state is lame (this is a trick, since north La is the same as most all of Mississippi)
-jokes about bandwagon fans (there’s lots of them and I hate them. bitches weren’t around when Hallman was here).
-jokes about camo patterned LSU jerseys and such and that grown men buy and wear these.
-jokes about how fat we are (there’s a looooooooot of fat LSU fans, thank God for my skinny genetics).
-jokes about the amount of Browning and bow company stickers on our trucks.

I’m kinda disappointed in this list. I know there’s some good material out there but I can’t channel it right now.

Also, go to hell.

we’ve had flowers and center pieces n shit at the tailgate (thanks to me attracting a living breathing woman). I don’t know what the big deal is, they taste like shit. Even if you fry em.

It’s a civilized, genteel hate. This hate wears a seersucker in the summer and drinks Bloody Mary’s and Mint Juleps. This hate sits on the porch in a rocking chair in the evening and says hello to the neighbors when they walk by. This hate idly bides its time until this week, when it shows the seething, blistering core that’s under all that gentle southern exterior. This is good hate, deep hate. See yall in the Grove.

Newlyweds living in Lompoc, California…Dad worked for the USDA but they also had a lot of friends stationed at Vandenberg AFB who were from the South. There was this one couple who they socialized with who were both LSU grads and fans. They joshed each other good-naturedly about the rivalry until one night Mom and Dad had them over to the house and they saw their Ole Miss degrees hanging on the wall. “OH…we just thought you were kidding with us! You actually DID go to Ole Miss? Um…oh gee, we just realized the babysitter has a curfew, um, we’d better go!” After that they didn’t return phone calls or anything…Mom and Dad couldn’t believe the couple would be so petty as to drop them as friends just because of the Ole Miss thing.

I know…that’s just one couple, but it’s a good story to bring out on Hate Week.

the only film clip we will see pre-game; the Billy Cannon punt return from a game played in black & white before color was even invented. (Uh coach, we’re the home team, we get to choose which team wears either the black or white jerseys).

I hate that the bandwagon LSU fans (all but 10 or 12 of the total fan base) act as if LSU has always been a top tier premier program, call Ole Miss a loser program, while totally ignoring the crappy teams LSU fielded in the 80’s.

I hate that a lame, cheaply made, Big Lots trophy was created by an unimaginative PC committee for our game with the bengal flea bags, thus causing them to think that we are actually signifying their bog living, missing teeth, mud bug eating existence.

I mean seriously, what type of grown ass man would wear purple shirts and yellow britches?

Then they put mustard on them.