FanPost

ARKANSAS HATE WEEK (via CLRB)

[ED: ColonelReb'sLastBreath volunteered to drop some hatred on Arkansas during this week's hatefest and, truly, did a better job than any of us could have ourselves. The hate is strong with CLRB, it seems, and I hope you all can muster up the same.]

[ED 2: This is essentially the online equivalent of actually calling the hogs in that I'm sure we're bound to have a whole bevy of (fat) visitors from the Natural State over the next couple of days. I hope that they realize that this is my website and I don't have any shame in capriciously censoring out people I don't like by banning them. I ain't mad; I just don't care to be annoyed. Really. I don't.]

I hate Arkansas. I used to be completely apathetic to them. Then I met this embarrassment to mankind: 300px-gonzo2_medium

I realized after encountering the grammatically incorrect Gonzohog, Arkansas fans were a different breed of terrible people. Sure, their best and brightest claim "we're not all that bad," but even then, their best and brightest didn't seem too bright. So much so, that I figured "there must be something in the water in Arkansas." So I decided to investigate. Click below to find out how right I was, and why we should all despise the entire state of Arkansas, and the disease that has infested their fans.

(Also, leave your own reasons for hating these trailer-park domestic-violence-disputes waiting to happen)

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Arkansas means "Land of the Downriver People." It all makes so much sense now. There really was something in the water. The urine and fecal matter of everyone upriver. You don't become known as the land of the downriver people without drinking the riverwater either. So the next time you think of Arkansas, think of this definition:  The Land of the Downriver People. Then think, the State of Arkansas decided on this name to represent the entire state. Then hate them.

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More reasons to hate the State of Arkansas:

1) In 1881, the state legislature convened to settle the dispute of whether the name was AR-ken-sa or ar-KAN-sas. They settled on the former. From now on, I will settle on the latter.  I thought Les Miles was stupid when he pronounced ar-KAN-sas as ar-KAN-sas on national TV.  He was actually historically correct.

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2) Wal-Mart.  I don't consider myself a liberal or anti-corporation.  In fact, I'm quite the opposite.  However if there is one corporation that has essentially destroyed small town local retail economy more so than any other in the history of civilization, it would be Wal-Mart.  And every fucking cent of profit in their destruction of local economies goes back to Arkansas.  Fuck that.  I seriously stopped shopping at Wal-Mart and Sam's when once I took the time to consider the big picture.  Costo member since 2008, bitches.

And those are the only reasons for now that I truly hate Arkansas.  

I'm sure many of you are wondering, "but CRLB, what about Houston Nutt?  Surely you hate him?  Surely you want him fired? Surely you hate that you hired him?  Surely you hate Arkansas fans because of him?"  It is true, I do have an inordinate amount of hate flowing through my veins.  But not one hemoglobin of hate is dedicated to Houston Nutt, or Arkansas because of our coach.

I truly do not hate Arkansas fans because of the way they act over Houston Nutt.  I hate the disease that has made them act the way they do.  As an analogy, a person doesn't hate retarded kids; a person hates retardation.  I figuratively don't have one ounce of fuck that I could give for an Arkansas fan's opinion of our football coach.  I've never cared, nor will I ever.  I've tried to entertain many a Rebel in jeering at their grammatically incorrect epithets concerning it.  But I honestly don't care enough to hate people at this level of stupidity.  Their attention-seeking personal-dedication to take pride in the downfall of a man's career is truly sickening.  Arkansas fans, you are a diseased people.  I don't hate you; I hate your disease, and pity you. 

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I hate the disease that has taken the state of Arkansas.  I hate that the disease has made their fans obsessed with Houston Nutt.  I hate that they don't have the personal emotional maturity to realize he's just a football coach and nothing more.  I hate that citizens of any intelligence can put in FOI requests.  I hate that this disease has made Arkansas fans give a shit about who a coach texts.  I hate that there aren't stricter laws on advertisements behind planes.  I hate that this disease has caused the deterioration and decline of Ole Miss message boards.  I hate the disease for Arkansas fans' obsessiveness over mine and every other Rebel's opinion on Houston Nutt. I hate that a cure hasn't been discovered.

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Arkansas fans, let me show you a possible cure for your disease. Take my approach.  I don't hate Houston Nutt.  He was and still can be a good football coach.  He was a great hire for us after the 2007 season.  No event that happens now or later will change this.  In 2008, we had the best coach in the SEC, as voted by the other SEC coaches.  We needed an upgrade then, and we got an upgrade.  He led us to two great seasons. But things aren't working out now.  I wish him the best wherever he ends up after this year. At the end of this season, we will need an upgrade again.  I hope that we hire as much of an upgrade as Nutt was in 2008 and 2009.  I hate that your disease doesn't let you comprehend this concept.  I hate that you don't understand that you can't tell me I told you so, when you're wrong.

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If by some miraculous discovery, this isn't an actual disease, I despise Arkansas fans with more hate than I have ever mustered on this here website. You truly are the most delusional fan base in the history of sport.  It is neither healthy nor normal to obsess about a man's personal life in the deranged way you have.  For that, I hope his last act of greatness is skull fucking your top 10 team on Saturday.  Who are we kidding though, it has to be a disease.  Right?

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In short, I hate the state of Arkansas for allowing such a large amount of diseased people to exist.  I hate that they don't do anything about it.  I hate that they drink sewage water.  I hate that they were so proud of it, they named their state for it.  I hate everything about Arkansas.  And I pity the people of Arkansas because they live such a pathetically sad existence.  So when they say things to you about Houston Nutt, ignore them, and point them to this webpage.  Its just their disease talking.

This post is a Red Cup Rebellion FanPost. Please don't sue us.

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