(Editor Notation: Make enjoyment of this advance excerpt eminating from People's University Guide 2012 for Media. -Minister Stricklin)
2011 People's University Football Season made many banners for year! Plentitude of first accomplishments outgrew from success on field! From first Subdivision of Bowl Champions Award for Football Excellence to first People's University Heisman Statuette winner, People's University Football squadron and supportists have many proud-making incidents to recollect. Enjoy vacation toward lane of memories!
Week First - September Thursday 1
People's University - 59 State of Memphis University - 14
Opening of season showcase-made glorious destruction of Memphis Tiger football squadron. Rushing offense is glorious! Passing offense is glorious! Quality of opponent not to be questioned!
Week Second - September Saturday 10
People's University - 34 Filthy Capitalists of Alabama - 41
While score fails to dictate such as this, People's University victoried this match in hearts and thoughts of People. Knowledge became available that Tigers of Alabama purchased this victory as they must purchase all victories. Continue to hope with me that they find themselves more disposed to path to righteousness.
Week Third - September Thursday 15
People's University - 6 State of Louisiana University - 19
Glorious Commisar Mullen magnanimously awarded victory to Tigers of Louisiana when in final minute of game he decision-made not to defeat them on fantastical Mary Hail, kick on-our-side recovery, and again Mary Hail. Insteadwise, he brought team to Our Locker room, where he explanationed necessity of awarding occasional victories to lesser squadrons. All were in agreement that Commisar Mullen was truly a man of the People!
Week Fourth - September Saturday 24
People's University - 26 Lesser Bulldogs of Louisiana Technical Institution - 20 (OT)
Most Generous Commisar Mullen, having awarded two victories to opposing squadrons, decisioned himself to win contest such as this. Nevertheless, full of hope that People's University Supportists would enjoy game of biting-nail tension, he allowanced his opponents to remain in contest until very end. Purposefully, he playcalled in idiotic fashion. Purposefully, he conferenced receivers to drop passed balls. Much enjoyment was had by all People's University supportists!
Week Fifth - October Saturday 1
People's University - 10 Lesser Bulldogs of Georgia - 24
In interests of preservationing friendship with opposite Coach Richt, Commisar Mullen insuranced that Coach Richt would maintain engagement at Georgia University. Commisar Mullen, in wisdom, knew Championship for People's University would still be at attainable level with four defeats. When considering Commisar Mullen's generosity and foresight, allow heart to swell with pride!
Week Sixth - October Saturday 8
People's University - 21 Birmingham University of Alabama Dragonheads - 3
At middlemark of season, Commisar Mullen acknowledge-made that business time was upon us. Supportists will take note that it was during contest such as this that former Quarterback Christopher Relf graciously stepped to back so that his young comrade, Tyler Russell could take reigns of most potent offense in sport of football!
Week Seventh - October Saturday 15
People's University - 48 South Carolina University Cocks of Game - 2
Formerly mentioned Quarterback Russell passed repeatedly in successful fashion. In fourth quarter, Commisar Mullen allowed Quarterback Russell to run thirty yards back to own end zone, where he patient-like awaited tackle from Cocks of Game defensemen. All of Southern Carolina praised Commisar Mullen's generosity at allowing their squadron points to avoid close-out.
Week Eighth - October Saturday 22
During week of bye, Commisar Mullen success-made in recruiting, gathering full class of 25 under-regarded recruits. Other teams scoffed, but Commisar Mullen has already begun detailed plan to "Coach 'Em Up" and win many future Championships.
Week Ninth - October Saturday 29
People's University - 78 Kentucky University - 0
To prepare Wildcat supportists for shame of defeat during their cherished Basketball season at hands of People's University Stansbury Basketball Squadron, Commisar Mullen saw fit to decimate their football program in similar fashion.
Week Tenrh - November Saturday 5
People's University - 3 Martin University Tennessee - 0
Commisar Mullen, one not to ignore responsibility, admitted superior coaching prowess of Martin University. Many People's University Supportists will recall moment at end of contest as defining moment of season, when People's University fought back against overwhelming odds to defeat greatest adversary!
Week Eleventh - November Saturday 12
People's University - 127 Red Tide of Alabama - 0
Commisar Mullen unleashed fury over near-loss to Martin University by decimating greatly outmatched Red Tide squadron. As sign of good faith, after destruction during contest, People's University supportists assisted Red Tide supportists in wide-ranging attack on historic trees in other Conference of Southeastern Land townships. Much poison was sown!
Week Twelfth - November Saturday 19
People's University - 98 Arkansas University Red-Pigs - 12
Shamefaced admittance that I failed to watch contest. So assuranced was our squadron's victory, little need I saw to engage in review of exhibition-style contest.
Week Thirteenth - November Saturday 26
People's University - 237 School of North - 0
Many records set! Most touchdowns! Most safeties! Most yardage in negative! School of North fired lowly Coach Nutt two minutes into contest. Interim Coach Nix was fired four minutes following.
December Friday 4 - Conference of Southeastern Land Championship
People's University versus State of Capitalist Florida Alligators
Alligator squadron forfeited contest rather than face Commisar Mullen's savagery. Legend has his strength and knowledge become!
December Saturday 10 - Heisman Statuette Awarding Ceremony
First time in history of award, all finalists and semi-finalists emerge from same University. Quarterback Russell narrowly defeats Running Back Ballard and Receiver Bumphis. Many claims made that this is our Statuette!
January Monday 9 - Bowl Champions Subdivision Contest
People's University - 35 Agricultural College of Texas - 28
In best contest of season, Bulldogs defeat Aggies by touchdown margin. Fan bases unite in celebration of agrarian lifestyle! Elitists burned! Books farmed! Much celebrate-making after contest and before! Glorious new era of People's University football initiated!