ALABAMA HATE WEEK

Fuck the Bear and especially Nick Saban. Fuck their fans who have never even thought about setting foot in an institution of higher learning. Fuck the tides; they take away my sandcastles. And fuck my mom, because after we lose this game she’s going to call me and say “I guess the Black Bears were no match for Nick Saban. He’s so dreamy!”

We’re actually 2-5 against Alabama if you take into account the fact that they don’t have any wins for the 2005-2007 seasons because they’re a bunch of cheaters.. If we found a way to win this weekend we’d be 3-5. That’d be nice.

I’d rather be David than Goliath, but if I ever inherit a billion dollars, I’ll be sure to donate enough to the Ole Miss athletic department to allow our teams to compete with programs like Alabama.

things I hate about us

- how large portions of our fanbase don’t get loud at game because they enter the stadium with this shitty “we should just win because we’re Alabama” attitude that makes me look bad by association

-I hate how our university gives in to shitty uber-conservative ass holes and forces bars off the strip to replace them with real estate offices

-I hate the BAD sidewalk alumni. I have no problem with someone who didn’t graduate from the school cheering for the team, I’m not one of those alumni with a elitist complex, but if you’re going to spout stupid shit TAKE THE ALABAMA CAP OFF PLEASE we don’t need your help looking stupid we’re Alabama for jeebus’s sake and yes I’m looking directly at Bocephus and Finebaum – what kind of moron uses Hitler in a metaphor about Obama and kind of bigger moron defends him?

-Fuck Paul Finebaum.

-I hate our elitist alumni – don’t look down your nose at Joe Dirt blaring Sweet Home in the tailgate next to you – guess what? We’re Alabama. No one gives a damn how big your home is back in Mobile and as far as the outside world is concerned we’re all in the trailer park together

-I hate insane stuck in the 1970’s jackasses who want to tell me how “I missed out on the glory years.” Seriously, just don’t talk to anyone. Ever.

-I hate the people who forget the life between 1997 and 2007. Hey all this can evaporate pretty damn quick so quit acting like we’ve always been God’s gift to football and just enjoy the ride (I think this one is directed at myself a bit)

We had a bad decade from 97 – 07. Boo fucking hoo. We are going on five fucking decades of bad decades, weak ass shit.

Oh no we’re only favored by 23 over Old Piss. Hell fucking Vanderbilt beat us by fucking 23.

(Seriously, well done, but no place for logic or rational discussion in Hate Week god dammit!)

because of people like the bowtie kid who wore a tux in the grove because he has youtube videos. and also because they are the crimson tide, and no one calls them the elephants.

I read Warren St. John’s book, “Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer.” If you’ve read it you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, go read it and see for yourself. I’d give a synopsis but I don’t have the time right now.

I hate Alabama for stealing Harold “Red” Drew from us in 1946 after a two-win season, opening the door for his little-known assistant, John Vaught, to take over and really run things into the ground.

… except that of course Ole Miss has never been to a BCS bowl.

Nick Saban can sit on .40 cal. round as far as I’m concerned. He preaches about “the process” and other “no ‘I’ in team” crap while complaining about the height of the statue those priority-inverting nutjobs built for him.

I hate Alabama because their ethos produces Harvey Updyke. Arkansas files FOIAS, LSU invents new offensive modes of proto-English while blackout drunk, and State’s identity is so wrapped up in its rival that they should be called “Not Ole Miss.” But the fringes of the Tide fan base outdo the fringes of any other base in America.

I hate Alabama for all the people with zip codes from Mississippi municipalities and Certificates of Attendance from Mississippi high schools who “RTR” all over facebook, when they aren’t decrying marketing decisions from their state’s flagship school, about which they would not otherwise give a damn.

I hate Alabama for Dreamland. White bread is not a damn delicacy; maybe it’d be a cute novelty if your barbecue was half as good as what I can get at the benefit out in front of Leakesville Junior High School any given Saturday.

I hate Alabama for houndstooth. You know who keeps wearing fabric patterns the rest of the country retired contemporaneously with the Nixon Administration? You guys and hipsters. Your character reflects the company you keep.

Lastly, I hate Alabama for ruining “Sweet Home Alabama,” because after spending time in Tuscaloosa with a former consort, I can always hear “Roll Tide Roll” in the back of my mind when the song plays. Consorting with ’Bama women is a fine thing to do, but if you want to continue enjoying Skynerd, stay out of their bars.

Because some obese 45-year-old with no high school diploma and more illegitimate children than teeth wholeheartedly believes that he’s better than me because of the success of the team he watches on the bigass TV he bought with his kids’ child support.

Roll Crimson Tide Roll
’Round the Bowl and down the Hole
Roll Crimson Tide Roll

of shit like this.

And I hate that 90% of their fans never even went to Alabama, nor can they spell Tuscaloosa.

And I hate that they ruined a perfectly good Lynyrd Skynyrd song by interjecting “Roll Tide Roll” into every chorus.

And I hate that are still using an abacus to count (which may explain why they miscount the number of championships they have).

There will be a shit ton of red and white in the student section, a number of Ole Miss students won’t be upset because “Alabama is their second favorite team”, their fans and band will be louder, and the loss won’t even hurt that much because “We never lose a party, y’all!”

Their stadium is nicer, their football team has national prominence, money, and legitimate history. They don’t have embarrassing mascot problems. They have Nick Saban. We would fall all over ourselves to get one of their assistant coaches to lead our football team. We wrote off our year three weeks into the season, they’ll essentially play for the national championship in a month.

At least the weather should be perfect on Saturday.

I hope for a good game this weekend with no injuries. Hopefully the wind will cooperate better than our last trip to Oxford.

the fact that they’re going to push our shit in on Saturday and not even have the common courtesy to spit on it

When I was in college it was always about coming to the pros. This is the challenge I wanted. I had a good college job. Why would I have left that if I was going to be interested in other college jobs?

-November 27, 2006

I guess I have to say it. I’m not going to be the Alabama coach. … I don’t control what people say. I don’t control what people put on dot-com or anything else. So I’m just telling you there’s no significance, in my opinion, about this, about me, about any interest that I have in anything other than being the coach here.

-December 21, 2006

And then…

What I realized in the last two years is that we love college coaching because of the ability that it gives you to affect people, young people. … If I knew that my heart was someplace else in what I wanted to do, I don’t think it would be fair to the [Dolphins] organization if I stayed

-January 4, 2007

Good job with the truth there Nick.

Oh look he did offer an apology…in 2010.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/dolphins/nick-saban-apologizes-for-how-his-miami-dolphins-757614.html

But I’m not bitter…at all. After all the Dolphins have become Super Bowl contenders since he left anyway. And Saban has accomplished nothing at Bama so I can laugh at his mistake all the time.

there was one time, well two times, when I did like Alabama. One, when they destroyed Miami in New Orleans, and 2. when they first ran the wishbone offense and ran it well. It was a sight to behold.

But that’s it. They get nothing more from me. I’ve always respected their ability to win. I just don’t like it.

As an aside, my Pop will be making his first trip to the Grove this weekend. I’m pretty pumped—mainly because I love the Grove and go at least once a year regardless of game (went to the Auburn game last year). Y’all don’t disappoint him.

Yeah, fuck ’Bama and their goofy looking elephant and their generic university and blah blah blah.

Can I just ask a question though, as I’ve seen two references to this highly annoying phrase already: How the fuck do you lose a party? While I don’t draw any real connection between our fanbase as caring more about the Grove than the game and Ole Miss’ traditionally miserable football teams, the expression itself just irks me. Does this mean that BYU has never won a party? Can we put Tulane, UNLV and The U in some kind of SEC of partying?

Eh, commence with the hate.

Did anyone else catch the Boise State at Fresno State game last Friday night? One camera shot of the Fresno football complex showed something known as “The Bone Yard”. One of the announcers said that the names of defeated opponents were painted on signs, cut out in the shape of bones, and placed in the “yard.” I noticed that Ole Miss was among these. What’s up with that? Oh, and go to hell Alabama.