As we venture into the second week of college football, we looked at our power poll ballot and realized, fairly quickly, that some of these things were, simply, not going to turn out the way we are predicting them right now. The crazies have already caught up with Ole Miss; they're coming to a stadium near the rest of y'all sometime soon. That being said, we've used the only reliable method available for early-season power polling: we bought twelve bratwursts, gave them cute names associated with each SEC team, and, what do you know, my dog ate Rick Sadbone first.
We doubt that gobbling up a WAC team not named Boise State was enough to fix whatever gastro-intestinal problems put that look on Nick Saban's face. Fortunately, Joe Paterno is coming to town this weekend, and, though he hasn't taken a shit since he accidentally messed himself laughing at Les Miles and his "in-game strategy," JoePa, at least, has some ideas to share.
2. SOUTH CAROLINA
We may be giving the Gamecocks too much credit for this win. Despite its former glory under Jeff Bower, Southern Mississippi has been "a dangerous mid-major BCS buster type" about like Larry Fedora has been a classic men's fashion accessory. Then again, we've missed Steve Spurrier's moxy, and we're tempted to supplant Alabama if OBC promises some Grade A bulletin board material.
It looks like there might be some fight in Georgia's offense. When A.J. Green comes back, the hot of the 'Dawgs offensive firepower is going to be inversely correlated to the hot of Mark Richt's seat.
Les Miles and the Tigers gave us another come from ahead victory in Atlanta against a Carolina squad that had to pick up some hobos outside the Georgia Dome to fill out their defense. Still, Team Purple Snurple avoided losing in a much-hyped game sponsored by Chik-fil-a.
Hey, Kentrell, what do you think about them Pouncey twins?
6. MISSISSIPPI STATE
MAROON! WHITE! AIN'T THIS A SIGHT! MISSISSIPPI STATE ... WHOO! RING RESPONSIBLY!
I haven't seen a nano-second of the Razorbacks win against ... Tennessee Tech? If this were the "laughing at other people's misfortunes" power poll, Arkansas would run away with it.
Whenever anybody wonders who is responsible for Auburn's turnaround last year (and expectations for 2010), just remember that Gene Chizik was the defensive coordinator at Auburn and Texas ... and they allowed 26 points on Saturday.
Beating the rival never hurts. But when it's the smoking crater of Louisville left behind by Steve Kragthorpe, it doesn't help very much.
Guess who else opened up the season with a blow-out win over a patsy? Lane Kiffin. The Volunteers are drinking the melted creamscicle if they think they've got a chance against an Oregon team that hung 72 on New Mexico.
You did your best, nerds. We're all real proud of you. A for effort. Now please come home so we can beat the crap out of you and feel better about ourselves. kthxbai.
12. OLE MISS