A Requiem for a GonzoHog

We finally caved in and did something we should have done a very long time ago.

We banned GonzoHog.

After nearly two years of vitriolic, illogical, poorly written diatribes, Gonzo finally sent himself off of the deep end with this gem of a comment:


Yeah, no matter how mentally disabled or homosexual you think a person may be, describing anyone on here as "retards" or "faggots" will more-than-likely get you tossed. The latter is far more offensive than the former, but the former isn't exactly a great way to get into our good graces 'round here.

Was it hard banning GonzoHog? No, not really. We had spoken about it before. But we had also given the guy an award for being such a hopeless moron. We loved and hated him. We put up with him, mocked him, and kept egging him on because - let's be honest here - it was a fun way to make the Arkansas Razorbacks fan base look really obsessed and stupid.

They're not all like that. I've even met a few normal ones. They're real and delightfully uncreepy in a "thank you for shattering my horrible preconceived notion" kind of way.

Anyway, in looking at Gonzo's SBNation profile, in which he claims to be a "100% Razorback fan," one sees that Gonzo's comments on Arkansas Expats, all 42 of them, pale in comparison to his 394 on the Cup (Also, keep in mind that these tallies began when he joined SBNation. He probably had a couple hundred back on the ol' Red [REDACTED] Cup as well). His comments on other sites such as EDSBS and TSK are entirely Houston Nutt related. So, sure, he may be a dedicated Razorback, but he's an even more dedicated Nutt hater and, after reading his obsessive nonsense for as long as we did, it became clear that it was time to put him to pasture.

He will be missed, sorta. Why, from where else will could get such brilliant comments as...

Impervious? You don't really talk that way do you? Sounds like some little fagget in San Fran.

Misspellings, prejudice, and bizarre intelligence-o-phobia aside, this comment is unintentionally the funniest thing ever written by Gonzohog to anyone who has watched Mike Judge's Idiocracy.

Disipline is key for a defense, but it takes leadership. We’ll see.

Vague, enigmatic, profound-esque, misspelled: no words can describe Gonzohog's commentary better.

By the way, it really doesn't matter to me if I spell everything right or not, as long as I can find my ass with both hands. That's a hell of a lot more than some of you guys can say.

It's not so much that I needto find my ass with both hands (I ain't routinely spreading cheek for the local sherrif's "meth searches" nor am I shitting in latrines), but I only need one, Gonzie. And the part about what doesn't really matter to you is sad. "I don't give a fuck if people think I'm stupid!"

idios until the fall, and Hotty Totty (gay) and all that other good shit you guys like to say.

Idios to you, Gonzo. Hotty Toddy and all that other good shit.

It didn't take me long at all to just look through the comments to find those, meaning I'm certain there are dozens, nay, hundreds more Gonzoisms of such "high" caliber out there. If you're bored, do yourself a favor and use the search feature to see the deep, astute ruminations he has blessed us with.

This initially would seem silly, to wax poetic over a guy who just got banned, especially when everyone saw it coming and especially after our new, aggressive-ish bannination policy was released, but GonzoHog was an RSC/RCR institution. He is as much a part of the Cup's lore as the xxxgr3gxxz, Powe's eating habits, Recrootin' Dale, and the other minor subcultured memes we've brewed in our semi-sane collective mind. His behavior and our regular interactions with him became a pretty significant part of the Red Cup Rebellion experience which, really, is the only thing that kept him around for such a long while.

That, and the aforementioned convenience he afforded us as a target for anti-Arkansas vitriol, of course.

So intense was Gonzo's hatred for Houston Nutt, and so enjoyable was my mocking of him, that I literally had friends of the Cup and even Cupdaters themselves (notably: One Man to Beat) thinking that I, Ghost, was leading some sort of sick double-life. Fortunately, I was not GonzoHog. And, unfortunately for GonzoHog, he is going to have to figure out who he is outside of the context of this blog, the seemingly only place he could get noticed and establish an identity. 

Some would argue that this bannination and pomp, in effect, makes Gonzo the victor - that he, as a classic dumbass troll, merely wants attention to be brought to him, his opinions, and his (errant) observations. Initially I respond to this with a "perhaps." This response evolves into a "but the guy was dumb and annoying" until it eventually becomes "did you just suggest that Gonzohog could 'win' at anything?"

The guy sucks, and we along with the two or three Razorbacks who don't make complete fools of themselves over here are better off for this. (Frankly, Razorbacks, y'all should thank us for this. Here's an opportunity to reinvent the image we Rebels have of y'all as something other than obsessed, immature, and oafish.) It won't be as fun to have a piñata to whack around anymore, but anyone who has suffered through his silliness for the last two years know that said papier-mâché hog burst open and spewed his candy about long ago. What type of candy, you wonder? Chick-O-Stick, Bit O Honey, and Circus Peanuts. Horrible.

(Also, now we can say "Gonzo is gone-zo!" Amirite?!)

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