Twitter is the greatest thing to happen to the Internet since at least YouTube. Limiting its users to 140 characters per message, or "tweet", Twitter attempts to capture the wit, brevity, and impact of a text message over its alternative, a phone call. The idea is that big boy blogs are like phone calls; they're awkward and last too long. Microblogs like Twitter can, ideally, caputre the tragically short attention span of most individuals and keep them engaged like a teenage girl texting in the back of chemistry class. Because of this, nearly any literate person can use it and do so effectively without the effort or pretention required to write a blog. All of this, now paired with super fast wireless networks allows for up-to-the-moment information from just about anybody on just about anything.
Also, it's a fun way to waste time.
So this new feature, simply entitled "This Week in Twitter," will look at the best tweets over the past few days relating to Ole Miss. They could be random ruminations posted by a football player, clever shit-talkin' from an opposing fan, or even something unfunny said by RebelMasoli (whoever you are, there are only so many "hey look I have a history of thievery" jokes that can be made). Sound simple enough? Good, because like Twitter, it is. Also, like Twitter, it's kinda creepy.
So, first up, food. Football players are a hungry lot, and their Tweets easily reflect this. Former Rebel All-American and current All-Pro Patrick Willis, what do you hanker before a long stay at 49ers camp?
- Why am I so excited to make applebee's my place of choice for my last supper before camp starts. Lol Im really about to kill this food.
Honestly, I don't know, PWillie, because Applebees is kinda shitty. A great thing about his account is how readily Willis interacts with his fans. Upon a fan's request that Willis "eat a cheese stick for" her, he tweeted
@SimplyTreseI'm eating the cheese sticks now mmmm mmm
Mmmm mmm indeed, sir.
Marcus Tillman and Wayne Dorsey take somewhat more direct routes with their food. Instead of casually Tweeting about their just-above-fast-food caliber hankerings or love of fried cheese, they demand their follows prepare meals for them. Marcus, what is that you'd like taemom09 to prepare for lunch?
@taemom09 u already know. Sweet potatoes, greens, corn bread and mac&cheese. Cool-aid too. #hungrytweet
@tuda25stop being fat bruh. I thought we were past this.
Who is tuda25? Cordera Eason. Wanna see something he tweeted recently?
U talking bout a nigga who hair is nappy. My hair nappy as hell. I look like a slave. But I got a good excuse doe lol
Wow... That's awkward. QUICK, A SUBJECT CHANGE! AJ Hawkins, how is your Friday evening looking?
Yeah I'm single for tonight!!!!!!
Not if that's on Twitter, you aren't.
Then there is, of course, the undisputed greatest Ole Miss related Twitter account: Kentrell Lockett @OleForty. What makes his Twitter account so great? Maybe it's his workout updates, maybe it's his Tweets about his daughter, or maybe it's his fashion advice, or maybe it's his wanton disregard for talking shit about people on a public forum. Whatever it is, it's literally worth opening a Twitter account over. I mean that. Just ask Ivory Tower because he himself has stated he joined Twitter for the sole purpose of following OleForty. So, what does OleForty have for us this go-round? Towing advice.
That's a shame... I just saw a charger pulling a trailer with lawn mowers on it...
OleForty demands you just buy a damn truck already. Also, Kentrell, please ease off the cell phone use while driving. I'm not your dad or anything, but I am a fan. We need you intact this fall, kthx. Oh, and Kentrell, could you take us out of this one on a lighter, albeit bizarre note?
This lady big toe nail look like a toilet seat.... #nasty
If your feet are gross, don't wear sandals to church, especially if you darken the doorway of Kentrell Lockett's house of God.
Is there a Twitter account we need to know about? Are there any Tweets in particular we should have caught but didn't? See something you want used in the future in this stupid segment? Tweet it @RedCupRebellion or just leave it in the comments. #kthxbai