HATE WEEK: Jacksonville State

because when they take players who have been kicked off of football teams, no one writes stories about how their coach only wants to win and is thus “dirty.”

The first thing I thought of this morning when I woke up was, “It’s Hate Week!” and that made me very, very happy.

I hate Jacksonville State because they have a Coop de Ville and I don’t.

Granted, I guess I could also say I hated Ole Miss using said logic, but I love Ole Miss and could never begrudge the fine people in Oxford for getting a Love Me Tender with spicy fries at 2 a.m. Okay, I could, but I won’t.

But for those people living in Jacksonville, Alabama who also get the same delicious Coop. I hate you.

And trust me when I say I have plenty of pent-up hate to go around this week. My weekend played out like an episode of “Cheaters” minus the camera crew, plus two Scottish Terriers. And I’ll leave it at that.

Fucking Bammers. All of them.

’Nuff said.

They use the same name as a more popular city in another fucking state. Are they trying to piss me off or is it just a coincidence? I think theyre just trying to bring a little recognition their way. Either way FUCK THEM.

I hate them for replacing Tiger High. As a native Memphibian I’ll be missing out on the usual crushing of their overly optimistic hopes for football season.
I also hate them for using a fighting chicken as a mascot because its a damn chicken. Its purpose is to be fried.

I hate Jacksonville State, because we’re having to PAY them to come to Oxford. PAY to come to Oxford? This will be the finest Southern treat any of these rapscallions have ever experienced.

Oh, you mean Anniston, Al. is not a great place to visit? Nope, it’s a good place to get hepatitis from a BP gas station(not guilty).

Jacksonville State players should be paying Ole Miss for the right to step on our hallowed grounds, see our beautiful women and get their fucking brains bashed in. They’ll talk about this game the rest of their lives.

I hate JSU because I respect intellectual property rights! Cite early and often, Meehan.

Also, quit using a ghost writer for your awesome “Town & Gown” artilce.

than your football team. Gay.

Oh, your colors are black and red? Real original, douchebags. As if your actual play on the field didn’t already give it away, you look like a shitty high school team.

Your original name is Jacksonville State Normal School, which sounds like the kind of place where everyone wears helmets and eats jello with their hands.

One of your slogans is “The Best Kept Secret In The South”, or, in layman’s terms, “No One Has Ever Heard Of Us”. I was originally puzzled why a school would brag about the fact that nobody pays attention to them, but then I remembered how those Alabama hill folks are with outsiders. “If anyone’s gonna stare up my sister’s skirt while she’s cheerleadin’, it’s gonna be ME!”

Also, you’re most notable for being the first school to let a chick kick field goals for you. Wow.

Why don’t you all just go to Ace Hardware, buy all the spray paint, spray it into a ziplock bag, and sail off into Lynyrd Skynyrd heaven for a while?

I don’t really need another reason. Also, its hard to take a school seriously that has the name of a city and “state” on the end. Jacksonville is not a state.

I am, however, excited to see some football.

JSU is the ‘The Friendliest Campus in the South’ according to some shitty source. Fuck that. Just cause you have no place to talk shit doesn’t make you friendly.

To quote: “I hate you. I hate you. I don’t even know you and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and nobody else, but you.”