We forgot this last weekend. I blame Ivory Tower. To make up for our error, we bring you what One Man confessed over GChat just may be "our best Weekend Plans" ever. This is what we bloggeurs do on Fridays, y'all: we email stupid stuff back and forth to eachother for the lulz.
Once again, it's summertime. Fireworks, cold beer, smoky barbecue, and bikinis define the time. We're having fun, and we would like you to as well. While our Autumn weekends will be engulfed in the conflagration of college football fandom, those of our Summer will be fun and varied. As such, we Cuppers would like to share with you our Summer weekend plans, along with the weekend plans of a few others of note, in order to hopefully give you ideas as to enjoyably bide your time until kickoff.
Song of the Week: "She's Not There" by The Zombies
Click the jump, lawyers.
Terrell Brown - Rollin round Oxford in the back of a dumptruck. Putting Chinese buffets out of business.
Oxford Public Works Department - Looking to wiggle a bigger budget out of Mayor Patterson. You couldn't even guess how much it costs to replace the asphalt Terrell Brown walks on.
Unidentified Black Male - After defeating Ghost in a thrilling/frustrating 10-9 victory in the Mythical Tradition Conference championship game, he drank two beers, vomited in his wife's closet, and passed out. He's likely still there. Yeah, we play EA Sports games online together and, yeah, Ghost lost to Notre damned Dame even though he had Da U and, yeah, he's bitter about it. Don't hate.
Student Mascot Committee - Being really glad football practice has started.
State fans on Twitter - Laughing by themselves.
Joe Paterno - Twitter? Twittter? What the shit is Twitter? What is with these fuckin' kids these days? Shit I mean when I was a kid we'd just hang around the docks, smoke a little dope, and shoot the shit. Now kids are all playing with their phone machines and talkin' about stupid music and girls butts on the internets. Can't stay out of trouble the old fashioned way. I just hope my kids stay off that Twitter machine. No good I tell ya. Hey, hey, I'm thirsty. Where's my water. Shut up. Get out of here. I fight.
Alabama - Doubling the SEC fan bases that can't spell "Mississippi".
Mississippi State - Spelling Mississippi incorrectly on Twitter, where it's HiLl@R1oUs! But, seriously, kind of excited that 'Bama knows who they are.
The Mississipi State Buldogs Head Coach Dan Mulen - Really, really excited about his suddenly upcoming matchup with the Crimson Tide in Tuscalosa! Maron, White! Fight fight fight!
Terrell Brown (again) - Returning to Brobdingnag!
Jerrell Powe - Making that witty Gulliver's Travels reference over lunch with Terrell Brown. Terrell Brown misses the reference and dismisses Jerrell Powe's resulting explanation with an interruption, "Jerrell, you know I'm a romanticist and a poet. I have nary a moment for victorian political satire, especially that written by an Irish priest and for children! Hmph."
After an unsettling pause, Jerrell's expression sours. Out of his mouth stumbles a stutter, then "I can't believ- why I, I honestly nev-" He breathes in deep, then "GULLIVER'S TRAVELS IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE ENGLISH LITERARY CANON, SIR! GOOD DAY!"
Pat Patterson - pulls his panting steed to a halt, the red bluffs painted by the Sedona sunset. Coyotes bay in anticipation of the New moon. Pat unfolds a wrinkled letter from his dear wife, ruddy cheeked, though her youth has long passed. Stoic, he raises a Marlboro Red to his lips, and lights his last match...
Alabama fans - explaining to everyone that "hey, we don't actually print our own tickets, we contract it out to a firm started by an Auburn grad." (P.S. This actually happened to One Man to Beat twice already. Ah, the joys of living in Birmingham.)
Tig Barksdale - learning the art of sewing coffin liners at the Batesville Casket Company from Chris Strong. Watching Peria Jerry's mom take a shit on her bosses desk while whisling the theme song to "The Jeffersons" in between grunts.
Robert Elliot - getting a massive #2 tattooed on his chest and back, so he can always "rock the deuce."
Houston Nutt - wooo, like mah good friend Puff Daddy used to say, mo' practice, less problems, ha, right? I like to try and connect with the urban community, right brothers? Well, we're starting to look like a team. A team of hungry Pilgrims foraging for wins. Lots of Indians out there. And I mean the ones with the feathers not the dots. The Mayflower was a good ship, my ancestors came over on it. Now it's time to sail for a championship. No slaves on this boat though. That's not a topic I can discuss. Good practice, lots of heart, buckling chinstraps, lets go, get there fast. Hot weather, love that IPF. It's like a tent but permanent and with air conditioning. Terrell Brown recently joined North Oxford Baptist Church, biggest Christian I know. Bigger than Goliath but he was a Philipino for those of you not in the good book. Textin', love that pigskin, Columbia shirts, straw hats, giggitygoogogogo.
David Saunders (the Ole Miss athletics staff member in charge of getting signees qualified) - Doing his damned job pretty well, apparently.
The residents of the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Huntsville, Alabama - Hidin' their kids, hidin' their wives, and hidin' their husbands cause they rapin' errybody out there.
Terrico White - glad to be making the NBA minimum ($473,000), which in Detroit means you can buy any of the professional franchises. /