Rebels, Hear My Plea

[ED: Frontpag'd, Rec'd, Featur'd, etc'd. Ackbar needed some help getting this to work, so I obliged. You're welcome you slimy Rebel.]

Greetings my fellow Rebels. My name is Ackbar. I am a retired Admiral of the Alliance to Restore the Republic or, as you may know it, the Glactic Rebellion. Throughout my time with the Rebellion, I worked tirelessly and selflessly as a patriot and freedom-fighter. Alongside Lando Calrissian, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and numerous other dear compatriots, I guided all of my efforts towards the successful destruction of the evil Galactic Empire.

It is in that spirit of defeating all who stand in the way of our Rebellion that I come to you today. Recently, while catching up on my Southeastern Conference football news (In my retirement, I have fallen in love with two things: The South - because it's the only place on Earth with enough humidity to keep my supple skin moist - and bone-crunching football) I learned that the Ole Miss Rebels are in need of a new figurehead of sorts. A leader, to guide the hordes of Rebel soldiers as the finest knights of this old institution go into battle. Well, after considerable thought, I cannot help but feeling that I am the Calamarian Ole Miss needs for this job. As a supporter of Rebels, Ole Miss has long been my favorite college sports team. I mean it, honestly. There was no way I could go for the UNLV Runnin' Rebels. Seriously? I don't run, I pilot battle cruises from a comfy seat and, when not doing that, I saunter. I would be honored to lead this institutions athletic teams.

Rebels, I understand your plight. My people were once captured, enslaved, and abused by the Galactic empire. We had our home world wrecked and destroyed. We, a generally peaceful people, were thrust forward into a bloody war which cost billions of lives.

You, like us, have also endured similar hardships. It is my understanding that you lose to Alabama a lot, are sick of putting up with Arkansas fans, and are embarrassed to share space with the Bulldogs of Mississippi State. Also, LSU fans cuss and throw pee-baggies at you. Yet, despite the hardships we have been put up against, we have remained true to our Rebellious nature, never yielding to our enemies under any circumstances!

I write today to ask for your support in this endeavor. If you believe that the Rebels can repel firepower of any magnitude; if you believe that it is I that is best equipped to spot the traps set by our enemies; and if you believe that an Admiral is better than a colonel any day of the week, then it's time to spread the word. The election draws near. We must infiltrate the defenses of popular opinion if we are to succeed. I ask you to visit NotATrap.org, follow me on Twitter (twitter.com/olemiss_ackbar), friend me on Facebook (Ackbar Olemiss), join the Facebook group (The Ole Miss Rebel Alliance), and tell everyone you know. A Rebellion cannot consist of just one Rebel. I will need your support. Let this be the first of many challenges that we conquer as a group... as a Rebel Alliance. 

via i871.photobucket.com