Dear Jeremiah,

ED: Frontpag'd

I'm not sure.  I mean, honestly, I've talked about doing it myself once or twice, but I've never gotten around to actually doing it.  I was real, real damn close in '03 when we started out 2-2 in the first 4 games.  I mean, I was REAL close brother.  But something told me to hang in there.  So I just didn't commit to it.

I imagine it's a highly invasive and painful process.  Well, that's not entirely true.  It could be as easy as a little Dawn dish soap and some warm tap water.  Or, it could be as difficult as highly concentrated sulfuric acid and a barbed wire scrub brush.  I'm just not sure.  I really want to help here, brother.  I like you.  I like you alot.  We'd have been in a serious world of shit without you this season.  We're talking 1 or 2 wins and not a SNIFF of more than 12 or 14 points per game.  So I really want to help.  The problem is that I have no frame of reference for advice. 

There have got to be some folks out there who've been through it before and can offer some good advice, but I'm just not that guy.  I wish to all hell that I was.  Really, I do.  Because it's really terrible.  Nasty even.  I imagine that most of the people I meet are truly taken aback by it.  I can't imagine the nasal fortitude it must take for normal folks to ignore such an assault on their sensibilities after meeting one of us. 

I guess the only thing I can do is wish you good luck.  And thank you for your attempt to drag us out of the abyss single handedly.  Oh, that you could have been our QB from the start of your college career.  The idea of you running our offense for the last 3 years causes a delightful warming sensation deep within my loins, like a fiery golden hawk.  Sure, Jevan was great in '08 and all, but the prospect of you stepping in when he bit the shit sandwich in '09 and actually getting us to 10 or 11 regular season wins last year is something I'll only dream about.  Or hell, being here from the beginning and winning the job out right.  I can't imagine you playing with our receivers in 08 and 09.  But I digress.

Jeremiah, thank you.  Thank you for wasting your last year with us.  Thank you for being a leader in the shittiest of circumstances.  Thank you for making gameday exciting.   Thank you for giving us the POSSIBILITY of 7 or 8 wins this year, even though the defense Nix fucked you right in the poop shoot.

And lastly, good luck washing the stench of epic fail off of your self.  I guess I've just never noticed it because when everyone you're around smells like rotten, festering, vile, disgusting awfulness, you just don't notice it.  So I'll still be here.  Breathing in the sick.  But I hope you find a way to rid yourself of this putrid stench.  You don't deserve it.  We've committed ourselves for the long haul, and thus, are doomed to wander the earth in this cloak of putrescence.  I truly hope you are able to wash yourself clean and emerge a successful, prominent example of re-birth and determination. 

Good luck and Godspeed young man.

This post is a Red Cup Rebellion FanPost. Please don't sue us.

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