MST3000'd: Nutt's Monday Presser

It made the rounds on the Twitters and the internets at large yesterday so, per the usual, we're a bit late to the party, but Coach Nutt gave an especially giggitous press conference yesterday. It seems that, after being absolutely embarrassed twice in one season by rookie SEC Head Coaches leading terrible football squads (yeah, I said it), Nutt's doing whatever he can to get his coaches, players, and fans behind him.

I read the presser. I found some of it poignant, some of it stupid, and some of it frustrating. So here are my thoughts as they came to me while reading the transcript. I can't promise they'll be humorous, constructive, or even interesting; but I'll be damned if they're not honest.

Guys, I just want to hit briefly,

As we'll see, Coach is about as brief as I am when I claim to be.

let's just go back to the start of the year. You know, this season has not gone the way we planned. It started with that first game.

No. Please no. Why must we go back then. I hated back then. I was grouchy and shitty back then. Is this how you want to prove a point, by bringing up something miserable? How vicious of you, coach.

We knew this was going to be the year. We knew this third year ,with the amount of players that we lost, we knew that this would be a difficult year.

Considering the hoops you jumped through to get Masoli, that's hardly a shocker.

What we didn't plan on was about three knee surgeries, four concussions, a guy like Lockett, your leader. We didn't plan on that, to lose a guy like that. But I just want to remind our fans of this, number one, it was just 50 years, its been 50 years since you won back to back January 1 games. Fifty! Fifty!

Don't remind us of our history, Coach. We don't need your help there. And we really don't like to be reminded of it either.

And so my point is, I'm excited about - not with wins and losses, but I'm excited that there's 12 freshmen that are playing. Twelve! I'm excited about the future. I know now, more in my heart than ever, I know we can get to Atlanta. I know we can.

I guess after seeing South Carolina make it that anything's possible, right coach?

Because I know we can recruit here. We've proven that the last two seasons. What you didn't plan on was that first game to put you in a tailspin. What you didn't plan on was a couple of other things where, and it's my fault, we weren't as sharp, weren't as ready as we should have been.

Recruit, we can, but not if we keep losing. And I like it that you've taken some blame. Sure, you avoided the specifics, but there's some humility there I suppose.

But I see a lot of hope. And I'm excited. I'm excited about these next two games. I don't want to lose focus on this - I remember the day we got here. I remember the day we got here, guys. I didn't see any life. I didn't see any. I saw a lot of no-hope.

It's easy to remember the general state of apathy surrounding and permeating the program when you got here because what we've got right now ain't that much different.

And I don't want that to come back on our guys now, and that's what I'm feeling a little bit. I don't want that. I want to convince them of this: Number one, you've got two ballgames left and a lot of these guys have done a lot of good things these last two years. And it's easy to dwell on the negative. It's easy to sit up on the 50-yard line, it's easy to sit there and say ‘Bad, bad, bad, bad, embarrassing.' And hey, I was the first one to say it after Saturday. Man, I don't want to do that. If you think you're hurting, you oughta just look at the tip of my itsy-bitsy little finger and then go all the way up through my body. I'm sick to my stomach.

It's easy to criticize and feel shitty about what has happened so far because it's been blatantly obvious that we've underachieved beyond our wildest nightmares, not because it's some cowardly "easy way out" or whatever you're suggesting it to be.

The Tennessee game, because we planned on winning that game.

So are there games you don't plan on winning?

But look at this, though, if you think Florida's happy? You think Georgia's happy? There's going to be a year, in this league, the greatest league in America, there's going to be a year where things don't go just right. But it ain't all about gloom and doom. And that's what's difficult about the world that we're in now because I've got 18 and 19-year-olds that actually believe everything that comes outside these walls. And so, I've got to turn that. I've got to turn it. You've got to listen to what's inside these walls. It's about your family and this football family.

That last part put the Family Matters theme song in my head. And now, it's in yours (you're welcome).

We've got some outstanding recruits, recruiting is still going good, the last two signing classes have been real good. I think this will be our best one.

Fingers crossed!

Yeah, I planned on being at seven wins, right now at this point, seven to eight, six at the worst, but the bottom line is, reality is, we're not. So, no more. I'm not going to allow my players to be gloom and doom. I'm going to let everybody else be gloom and doom.

What about Sturm und Drang, coach? Can I get all sturmy and drangy in this?

Remember, you're part of something that was great. It wasn't too long ago they're patting you on the back about - ‘Can you believe it was a half a century?' Fifty years and you went back to back and won January 1s? And you're putting up these Cotton Bowl deals? And you're helping bring in good recruits? There's good things getting ready to happen.

It's not that we doubt that "good things are getting ready to happen" - or, maybe we do - but it's more that we're just pissed that our football team was turned into cubed steak by a shitty Tennessee team led by the Brahsome SEC Quarterback pledge class president.

And so, I just want to tell our fans that, I want to tell our players that, most of all. ‘Get your head up.' I just saw two out here with their head down. ‘What are you doing? Get your head up.' This is what's the greatest thing about football: It teaches you all you want about life. There's not a sin about getting knocked down. There's not a sin about that. The sin is if you stay down.

That, and paying Tyrone Nix half-a-million a year.

And so, the thing I want to do, I want to make sure our coaches are going as hard as we can with all the energy and effort to make sure they're taking the correct step, the proper stance, the perfect read and play. You don't play tight. You turn it loose. One of the things we did, if you look the last two years, and the games that we played good this year, we turned it loose. That's always been that way with us. Always. You turn it loose, you play the greatest game in America with a lot of passion, a lot of enthusiasm, and you turn it loose. So we're getting ready to go play one of the best teams in America, LSU.

One of the Best? I mean, I can think of five or six teams that'd beat LSU 9-times-out-of-10 if it weren't for the Hat's chlorophyll-fueled voodoo.

LSU has the finest defense that I've ever seen, right now, so far, the best. Starts with their front, their front is outstanding because they're big, they're huge, they're fast, they don't give up but very very few points. They swarm to the football. I mean, with speed.

Unlike a slow swarm, coach? (Alright, now I'm just being a nitpicky semantics-dick... I need a new hobby.)

 And one day we're going to be two and three deep just like that. They have real speed from the front to the backers to the back end. Offensively, real weapons at the wideout. A real tailback. A good offensive line. Good special teams. So we're playing, I guess, the No. 5 team in the country. LSU. Get ready. Questions?

Interestingly enough, coach, there's nothing at all I want to ask. Perhaps it's my newfound apathy or my still-stunned take on the season, but no, I have nary a question.

Yeah, if you're wondering, I feel like a bit of an ass right now. Whatever. It's a rainy Tuesday so I get a free pass. Your thoughts on Nutt's press conference?